IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Instructions Read the question below and write an opinion essay. You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's era, it is a debatable issue that many famous personalities become a part of controversy all over the time for their money or actions whether their milestones, that's why it presents the wrong example for youngsters . I strongly agree with
this
 statement technology opens numerous ways to be famous these days, it may ruin the life of youth. 
Firstly
, the main reason is that media always showcase the superstar lifestyle for earning a High rating. They just telecast every small moment which is not even interesting and entertaining.
For example
,
last
 month, Katrina kaif did her marriage with Vicky,
therefore
, they sell their marriage broadcasting rights to Netflix for 40 crores which would be not important for anyone. Apart from it, some personalities just give wrong statements to get controversy so that, they can get some attention.
Moreover
, celebrities buy something expensive for them to just show off, people become crazy for them and always talk about their luxury lifestyle.
Secondly
, technology makes celebrities more famous. Sometimes they are not too talented but with technology , they change their voice and their appearance which look more attractive even without their hard work.
For instance
, nowadays, many famous singers use iTunes to make their voice more powerful which make them famous but when they sing in live shows they become embarrassed.
Furthermore
, people are using too many applications for entertaining themselves,
therefore
, sometimes they make their own videos which become famous for various reasons and get their name and fame without any hard work. In conclusion,
although
 it is very hard to be a good celebrity for
such
 a hard job and talent, some are always in light without doing hard work, it put bad impact on youngsters.
Submitted by grewalpt1249 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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