IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

1. Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #trend
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Nowadays, most old
people
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's are live in age
care
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 houses or retirements home. In the past, young
people
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 used to look after their
parents
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 and live together. In the following ,paragraphs I will discuss the benefit and drawbacks of
this
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 essay. In today society, many
people
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's are busy at work because they are trying to make more money to live a wealthy life.
Therefore
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, they do not have times to look after their
parents
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 anymore. ,
Also
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 some
people
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 have been relocated
in
Change preposition
to
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 foreign countries,
as a result
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, the
parents
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 were refused to go with them.
Furthermore
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, some women do not like to live with their mother or father in law because old
people
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's and young
people
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 are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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totally different lifestyles. In these cases, when the
parents
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 get too old and they need someone to look after them with dairy activities. So the better scenario for them is to live in the health
care
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 home to get professional
care
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, which that the young persons can achieve the goal. Years ago, the
son
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 used to live with his
parents
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 after they got married because it was a traditional rule. In many Asian countries, sons must live with their
parents
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 until they pass away, as the
parents
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 were going to give all money and property to the
son
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. Eventually, a traditional rule father and mother were looking after their
son
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 when he was young, and when his
parents
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 getting old the
son
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 must take
care
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 of them ,
however
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, some
parents
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 are hoping to live in their own house with their family, as they are like to live with they grandchildren which if they stay in the retirement home they will feel lonely and uncomfortable. In summary, I believe most of the
parents
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 are enjoy living in their own house and with family together, as
this
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 is a natural thing but sometimes when the young
people
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's are too busy at work they have to live in the
care
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 age.
Therefore
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, young
people
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's will have less stress and more success with their careers.
Submitted by junechan822 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional care
  • Medical attention
  • Trained staff
  • Social interaction
  • Combat loneliness
  • Safety and security
  • Relief for families
  • Loss of autonomy
  • Emotional impact
  • Cost
  • Financial strain
  • Quality of care
  • Neglect and abuse
  • Detachment from family
  • Mental wellbeing
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