You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.
A considerable proportion of citizens
consumes
most of Verb problem
spend
the
leisure period on telecasts which Change the word
their
deprive
them of an active and conversational lifestyle. I strongly Correct subject-verb agreement
deprives
coincide
with the former declaration, and Verb problem
agree
this
essay will hold the reasons for my view.
To commence, the idea of a sedentary life enhanced by television has numerous negative repercussions on the physical aspect of an individual. Linking Words
In other words
, people are normally addicted to certain habits Linking Words
where
allow them to sit for long hours without moving a single finger. Correct word choice
that
Moreover
, they may encounter severe health problems Linking Words
due to
uncautious consumption hours Linking Words
for
television. As reported in the Stay Fit magazine, the majority of obesity cases Change preposition
of
are originated
from visual advertisements that incentivise consumers to eat frequently. Wrong verb form
originate
Thus
, there are various detrimental effects for seated life systems in front of a screen.
Another compelling reason to support my view is that digital channels embrace the notion of public separation. Linking Words
This
means that each person creates a personal space that abandons relationships and social interactions with familiar surroundings. Linking Words
Furthermore
, some media programs publish specific materials related to violence in order to Linking Words
favorise
human isolation toward others. To demonstrate, my family possesses three televisions because every member generally prefers to see his private show Verb problem
favour
instead
of exercising Linking Words
group
activities. Change preposition
in group
Hence
, television divides expansive communities into tiny units.
To summarize, a convenient number of people Linking Words
is
replacing physical activities and moral relationships with a flat electronic machine. I totally agree with Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
statement because they are digitally seduced by individual immobility and social discrimination.Linking Words
Submitted by eng.ali.hammoud.26 on
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task and clearly stated your viewpoint. However, try to elaborate more on your reasons with varied examples which can make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Ensure examples are directly tied to specific aspects of your argument and further illustrate your points. Consider adding more precise and varied examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally has good organization but work on logically structuring the ideas for each paragraph cohesively. Use transition words to show logical progression.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively set the direction and summarize the essay.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph aligns with your overall argument.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed all parts of the task and substantiated your positions.