IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicines. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicines #government
Health
 is the wealth of every human being whereby
deprive
Wrong verb form
depriving
show examples
 any
health
 issues is more important among
people
 as well as
government
.
Although
, medical treatment cannot guarantee complete recovery so, imparting
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 choice of life is an essential motto of good community programs. In
this
 essay, I will explain my complete acceptance of
government
 funding on
health
 development. Mitigation of physical problems and lifestyle diseases can be achieved through
collective
Correct article usage
the collective
show examples
 responsibility of governmental authorities because they can apply
health
 education among citizens.
Besides
this
, primary
health
 centres and
Government
 medical
College
Fix the agreement mistake
Colleges
show examples
 can apply community
health
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and medical camps for the prevention of
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
 as diabetics, high blood pressure and other chronic illness.
For example
, In Sweden,
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 department provides free healthcare
checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
show examples
 for every citizen whereby it helps to eliminate bad habits like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chain smoking
Add a hyphen
chain-smoking
show examples
,alcohol addiction and drug abuse Reportedly,these programs became more
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in Sweden because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reduce various
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 diseases among youth. Another key thing to remember,allocation of
government
 subsidies and allowances on generating
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 well-being of
people
.
Firstly
,
appointment
Add an article
the appointment
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 of enough staffs nd provides money for technical development hospitals.
Secondly
, impart more labs and research studies in the field of medical science because it helps to develop significant changes in the concept of
people
. To illustrate
this
, the
Government
 of India spent more than 115 million money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 making covid vaccination.Resultantly, now more than 7 approved vaccines were found in
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
show examples
 market .
Therefore
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the
people
 have their treatment and they are safe from coronavirus. In conclusion, there is a saying 'prevention is better than cure'
similarly
government
 should initiate
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
instead
 of building hospitals for them.
In other words
,
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
a healthy
show examples
 citizen is the wealth of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
. So
government
 should always facilitate happy and prosperous life for all human beings.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

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