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Band 6.5

Write an academic essay of about 250 words on the following topic. In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#topic #countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies #support
In the contemporary epoch, hordes of young
students
 would rather, in the gap between ending school and starting academic education at a higher level, do some recreational activities like taking a trip or even work.
This
 is a growing trend in specific countries,
hence
, I discuss both the negative and positive aspects of
this
 issue. On the one hand,
this
 time gives
students
 a chance to calm down and get away from the considerable pressure and stress that they have in their high school.
In addition
, individuals can progress in different sectors of their life.
For instance
, they actually improve their social abilities by forging new relationships and recognizing the customs and cultures of other countries.
Moreover
, working in companies, firms, factories, and laboratories helps
students
 gain practical knowledge and boosts their abilities and capacities for learning.
On the other hand
, what makes everything more difficult for
students
 is being far from teachers, assignments, and their classmates. It is obvious that both work and study are different items and clearly have different attributes.
For example
, people for
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 incentives and incomes,
however
 for studying they do not get money.
This
 factor might cause a lack of motivation to come back to a university.
Furthermore
, in the time when people do not study, they with a high possibility forget many crucial information and lessons. Not only does
this
 issue have a destructive effect on their learning procedure, but they will
also
 have several problems in their job.
Thus
,
although
 the highlighted trend has many benefits, it has some downsides.
Due to
 the mentioned reasons, people who have a tendency to follow
this
 trend must observe both sides.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a year off between high school and university. However, try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your points and make them more relatable.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent, improving the logical structure can help. Consider organizing your points more systematically and ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, ensure that your introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
language
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'hordes of young students would rather' can be rephrased to 'many young students prefer.' Simplifying complex sentences can also help in conveying your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
You effectively cover both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows well from one idea to the next, despite some minor areas that can be improved.
language
Your vocabulary use is quite good, and you have shown a commendable range of language skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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