Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a popular tendency that well-known
people
tend to be famous due to their vivid attraction or well-off insteads
Correct your spelling
instead
their
work achievements and Change preposition
of their
this
can lead to set a harmful example
for young teenagers. In my point of view, I totally agree with this
statement.
Firstly
, it is possible for adolescents to catch the glamour or being rich to be the standard of living. For
example
, Chi Pu, despite being a Viet Nam singer, is not famous because of their voice, or outstanding achievements due to the scandals about the controversial opinion about the singer artist that all people
can be singers even without talent. However
, she still has a huge fandom, who tend to see her ways of living as a modern young age lifestyle and want to achieve with hopes that have stable jobs which enhance paying for the bill of the high-cost such
as gadget
, luxury restaurants or Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
high end
clothes, or even have voices in the society or even can impact other Add a hyphen
high-end
people
. In the far future, it goes without saying that it can be the most harmful disadvantage that impacts on
Change preposition
apply
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
.
Moreover
, the drawbacks that adolescents set as an example
of celebrity life
is that they can mimic the bad tempers of these people
or even come across as the young trend. For
example
, Kim Kardashian who is a symptom of fashion, people
tend to be crazy about her favorite
outfits, or ornaments. Change the spelling
favourite
This
could be related to the fact that the young pull all their revenue on these types of stuff and they particularly erase their minds having no idea that Kim Kardashian just wants to promote her domestic brand’s sales. It is detrimental for young people
to copy the negative habits of the
popular Correct article usage
apply
people
such
as smoking, drinking or even using drugs. It can be said that there are a variety of actions that celebrities do in bad ways but it is easy for teenagers to copy.
In conclusion, it seems to me that there are several reasons that adolescents should not see their favorite
celebrities as examples to lead their own Change the spelling
favourite
life
. It might accidentally harm their life
if they copy the habits of well-known people
to their standards of life
.Replace the word
living
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite