Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #adolescents

There is a popular tendency that well-known

people

tend to be famous due to their vivid attraction or well-off

insteads

Correct your spelling

instead

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

work achievements and

this

can lead to set a harmful

example

for young teenagers. In my point of view, I totally agree with

this

statement.

Firstly

, it is possible for adolescents to catch the glamour or being rich to be the standard of living.

For

example

, Chi Pu, despite being a Viet Nam singer, is not famous because of their voice, or outstanding achievements due to the scandals about the controversial opinion about the singer artist that all

people

can be singers even without talent.

However

, she still has a huge fandom, who tend to see her ways of living as a modern young age lifestyle and want to achieve with hopes that have stable jobs which enhance paying for the bill of the high-cost

such

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

, luxury restaurants or

high end

Add a hyphen

high-end

show examples

clothes, or even have voices in the society or even can impact other

people

. In the far future, it goes without saying that it can be the most harmful disadvantage that impacts

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

Moreover

, the drawbacks that adolescents set as an

example

of celebrity

life

is that they can mimic the bad tempers of these

people

or even come across as the young trend.

For

example

, Kim Kardashian who is a symptom of fashion,

people

tend to be crazy about her

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

outfits, or ornaments.

This

could be related to the fact that the young pull all their revenue on these types of stuff and they particularly erase their minds having no idea that Kim Kardashian just wants to promote her domestic brand’s sales. It is detrimental for young

people

to copy the negative habits of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

popular

people

such

as smoking, drinking or even using drugs. It can be said that there are a variety of actions that celebrities do in bad ways but it is easy for teenagers to copy. In conclusion, it seems to me that there are several reasons that adolescents should not see their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

celebrities as examples to lead their own

life

. It might accidentally harm their

life

if they copy the habits of well-known

people

to their standards of

life

Replace the word

living

show examples

Submitted by phuonglinhlp.0900 on Wed Jan 05 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

374 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.

It is often argued that children must be protected from unsuitable material on TV and the Internet by government censorship. Others say that this is the parents' responsibility to control what their children do and watch. To what extent do you think that this is true?

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Even though globalization has some very positive effects, we can't forget its negative effects. What are the disadvantages and advantages of globalization?

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position.