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Writing Samples
Band 7

young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #crimes #robbery #attack #adults
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In recent years, there has been a growing debate about whether young
people
 who commit serious
crimes
 should be punished in the same way as
adults
.
While
 some argue that
age
 should not be a determining factor in punishment, I firmly believe that young
people
 should be held accountable for their
actions
. Some
people
 maintain that it is important to consider that the brains of adolescents are still developing, and their judgment and impulse control abilities are not as developed as those of
adults
.
However
, young
people
 have enough intelligence and judgment to understand the consequences of their
actions
. Many young offenders have clear intentions and plans when committing
crimes
, indicating their ability to comprehend the consequences of their
actions
. I believe that if young
people
 are not punished in the same way as
adults
 for committing serious
crimes
, it would lead to a lack of fairness in society.
Age
 should not be an excuse to escape punishment. As an example, there was a case several years ago in which a middle school student murdered his classmate and asserted that
this
 was because he was aware that individuals under the
age
 of 18 who commit murder would not face the death penalty.
Furthermore
, young
people
 who commit
crimes
 cause harm to their victims, just like adult offenders. Whether it is physical or psychological harm, the impact on the victims is the same.
For instance
, if a minor robs someone at knifepoint and causes injury, the victim suffers regardless of the
age
 of the perpetrator. Victims deserve fair treatment and protection, regardless of the
age
 of the offender. In conclusion, young
people
 who commit serious
crimes
 should be punished in the same way as
adults
. They should be held responsible for their
actions
, as they have the capacity to understand the consequences of their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
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task response
Your essay makes a solid case and covers the aspects of the prompt comprehensively. To elevate your writing further, consider addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly and providing a balanced view. This approach can showcase your critical thinking skills.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the variety in your sentence structure and use of transition words within paragraphs. While your logical flow is good, enhancing these aspects can make your essay even more cohesive.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your points, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a solid introduction and conclusion. Each main point is well-supported, making your argument persuasive and well reasoned.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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