Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #services #companies #care

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Some

people

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claim that good health plays a crucial role in their lives.

Therefore

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, there is a debate that private hospitals should not provide medical

services

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Although

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this

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scenario can offer several merits and demerits,

this

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essay will argue that the benefits of

this

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eclipsed the drawbacks. On the one hand, private hospitals

also

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cause several shortcomings. Given that the private centre provides convenient medical

services

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, the

patients

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have to pay exorbitant costs. By doing

this

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patients

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must expend high bills, which is not suitable for poor

people

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especially those without medical insurance.

Moreover

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, social inequalities for applying medical

services

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increase because some poor residents can not afford expensive costs.

For instance

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people

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who own rich property can receive prompt and high-quality care,

however

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, others only face lower

services

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in the public category.

This

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leads to discrimination in

people

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services

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even untimely treatment in emergency situations.

On the other hand

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, despite the detrimental aspects, the private

healthcare

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centre brings some positive aspects.

First,

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it can reduce the workload of public medical hospitals. With the appearance of many private companies, the number of

patients

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going to the public will decrease.

This

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can result in a decrease in the experience of waiting times of inhabitants who make an appointment with doctors

as well as

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reduce the shortage of experts about health. Another advantage is that the private

healthcare

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company gives more opportunities for

patients

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to access cutting-edge quality

services

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and professionals from specific fields immediately depending on their excellent financial resources.

This

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hospital tends to invest more money in improving modern amenities with state-of-the-art equipment and technologies, which allows

patients

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to receive top medical procedures and treatments than the public centre. In conclusion,

while

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private

healthcare

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offers some disadvantages

such

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as high cost and

healthcare

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inequalities, these will bring more advantages including reducing the workload or advanced technologies. It seems to me that the merits are more considerable than its demerits.

Submitted by phamnhung275 on Sat Aug 03 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting both sides of the argument. However, while your ideas are clear, some of them could be further developed for depth. Try to expand more on specific examples and evidence to support your claims.

coherence cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure, and paragraphs are well-linked. However, a few transitions between ideas could be smoother for better readability. You might want to use more transitional phrases to help guide the reader more easily through your arguments.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, summarizing the main points effectively and providing a clear stance. This enhances the overall flow and comprehension of your essay.

supported main points

The main points in your essay are adequately supported, giving your arguments credibility. This is a strong element in achieving coherence and cohesion in your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people argue that the Olympic Games have significant benefits for the host country while others believe they are a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.