Task 2: Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?
Some
people
claim that good health plays a crucial role in their lives. Therefore
, there is a debate that private hospitals should not provide medical services
. Although
this
scenario can offer several merits and demerits, this
essay will argue that the benefits of this
eclipsed the drawbacks.
On the one hand, private hospitals also
cause several shortcomings. Given that the private centre provides convenient medical services
, the patients
have to pay exorbitant costs. By doing this
, patients
must expend high bills, which is not suitable for poor people
especially those without medical insurance. Moreover
, social inequalities for applying medical services
increase because some poor residents can not afford expensive costs. For instance
, people
who own rich property can receive prompt and high-quality care, however
, others only face lower services
in the public category. This
leads to discrimination in people
's services
even untimely treatment in emergency situations.
On the other hand
, despite the detrimental aspects, the private healthcare
centre brings some positive aspects. First,
it can reduce the workload of public medical hospitals. With the appearance of many private companies, the number of patients
going to the public will decrease. This
can result in a decrease in the experience of waiting times of inhabitants who make an appointment with doctors as well as
reduce the shortage of experts about health. Another advantage is that the private healthcare
company gives more opportunities for patients
to access cutting-edge quality services
and professionals from specific fields immediately depending on their excellent financial resources. This
hospital tends to invest more money in improving modern amenities with state-of-the-art equipment and technologies, which allows patients
to receive top medical procedures and treatments than the public centre.
In conclusion, while
private healthcare
offers some disadvantages such
as high cost and healthcare
inequalities, these will bring more advantages including reducing the workload or advanced technologies. It seems to me that the merits are more considerable than its demerits.Submitted by phamnhung275 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting both sides of the argument. However, while your ideas are clear, some of them could be further developed for depth. Try to expand more on specific examples and evidence to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, and paragraphs are well-linked. However, a few transitions between ideas could be smoother for better readability. You might want to use more transitional phrases to help guide the reader more easily through your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, summarizing the main points effectively and providing a clear stance. This enhances the overall flow and comprehension of your essay.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are adequately supported, giving your arguments credibility. This is a strong element in achieving coherence and cohesion in your writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!