IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many young people today spend much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think it has many negative effects on both young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #effects #society
Nowadays, shopping
malls
 provide various services and commodities, which makes them being so attractive so that young
people
 usually spend much of their free
time
 there. In my opinion, I agree that it is not beneficial to both young
people
 and their
society
. For young men, spending much of their free
time
 in shopping
malls
 is not only will waste their money on commodities unneeded but
also
 influence themself to have enough rest. There are always many promotions and discounts in shopping
malls
, which have strong attractions to lead
people
 to expend, and young
people
 usually have weak self-control, so that if they spend much of their free
time
 there, it is very hard for them to keep being rational on consumption. At the same
time
, shopping
malls
 are very huge like mazes, there is no doubt that spending much of free
time
 in there will consume a lot of energy, it will have a negative effect on mental and physical recovery.
On the other hand
, the development of
society
 is doomed to rely on those young who are living there. The local authority, companies, communities and other institutions' operations all need young
people
 to take participate in and inherit the responsibilities. If young
people
 use much of their free
time
 in shopping
malls
 just for the satisfaction of consuming desires rather than paying attention in public, social affairs and enriching their practical abilities, the
society
 which they live in will be short of eligible backbone forces in the future. In conclusion, young
people
 should be rational to utilize their free
time
, spending much of free
time
 in shopping
malls
 will bring negative effects on both young and the
society
 they live in.
Submitted by 243660828 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • materialistic attitudes
  • excessive consumerism
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • peer pressure
  • financial irresponsibility
  • meaningful social relationships
  • family bonding
  • environmental degradation
  • commercial environments
  • productive activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: