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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s highly competitive world, young people face increasing pressure to excel academically.
As a result
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, some argue that non-academic
subjects
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,
such
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 as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school curriculum to allow
students
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 to focus solely on academic learning. I completely disagree with
this
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 view because non-academic
subjects
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 are essential for promoting holistic development and preparing
students
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 for real-life challenges.
To begin
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 with,
while
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 academic
subjects
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 undeniably contribute to intellectual growth and career prospects, they do not address every aspect of a child’s development. Physical education,
for instance
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, plays a crucial role in combating sedentary lifestyles, improving mental health, and fostering teamwork. Without
such
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subjects
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,
students
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 may struggle with stress management and lack essential social skills that are increasingly valued in modern workplaces.
Similarly
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, cookery equips young people with basic life skills that promote independence and healthier living, which academic
subjects
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 alone cannot provide.
Furthermore
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, eliminating non-academic
subjects
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 ignores the diverse range of talents and interests that
students
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 possess. Not all children thrive in purely academic environments, and practical
subjects
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 often reveal strengths that may lead to fulfilling career paths in fields
such
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 as sports, hospitality, or the creative arts. A well-rounded curriculum
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Punctuation problem
, therefore
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 ensures that schools nurture varied abilities rather than forcing
students
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 into narrow academic expectations. In conclusion, removing non-academic
subjects
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 from the school syllabus would undermine
students
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’ physical, emotional, and practical development. A balanced curriculum that includes both academic and non-academic
subjects
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 is essential for preparing young people for the complexities of modern life. Schools should
therefore
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 continue to promote a broad educational experience that supports every dimension of a child’s growth.

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task response
State a clear view at the start and keep it strong through the essay.
coherence
Add one view that some may give and then show why your view is still right.
organization
Group ideas by topic in each paragraph and use one main idea per paragraph.
coherence
Use small link words to show how ideas go together, like first, also, and finally.
examples
Give small real life examples that fit the idea in each point.
grammar
Check long sentences and make them short and clear.
content
Clear view and good flow of ideas.
content
Good use of examples such as PE and cookery.
structure
A clear end that rounds the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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