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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Once children start school,teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#children #school #teachers #influence #development
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In modern society, education is one of the most important subjects to discuss.
Therefore
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, there is a belief that
teachers
Use synonyms
 have more influence on children's intellectual and social development once the young start school.
It is clear that
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 the young are impacted by not only their
teachers
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 but
are influenced
Wrong verb form
also
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 by other people who are around them. The first aspect to point out is that
teachers
Use synonyms
 have a huge impact on children since they spend a lot of time in the classroom. It is their responsibility to educate their students on the system in the community.
For example
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, they need to teach students how to respect others and the importance of following the rules in the classroom.
This
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 will shape their thoughts in terms of morals in public.
Therefore
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, some believe that
teachers
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 have more influence on children's intellectual and social development.
However
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, it could be suggested that other people
also
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 have an impact on the young when it comes to developing their social skills.
Firstly
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, parents are the first adults to educate the youths. They spend more time with
offspring
Correct pronoun usage
their offspring
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 at home. It would be beneficial for the young if they were taught about society by their parents when they are relaxed at home.
Additionally
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, the youths
also
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 learn from their friends what is adequate attitudes in the community. Some are well-behaved and some are not. The young will learn by seeing these behaviours and discussing them with their family members at home.
To conclude
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, the youths are impacted by not only their
teachers
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 but they are influenced by other individuals
such
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 as their family members and their friends.
Submitted by hiromi-o.1828 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly summarize the main points and provide a clear answer to the essay question.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows logical organization and clear progression of ideas. Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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