IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the US
movie
Use synonyms
 industry has played an important role in the film industry all around the world
due to
Linking Words
 its domination regarding the
films
Use synonyms
 distributed.
As a result
Linking Words
, the original
movie
Use synonyms
 production in some countries is overtaken by Hollywood. Some people propose that the
governments
Use synonyms
 should take action to solve
this
Linking Words
 case by investing their budget to develop their own film firms in order to protect the
cultures
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because the legacy of
cultures
Use synonyms
 should be well-documented. A
further
Linking Words
 elaboration of my point of view will be presented below.
Firstly
Linking Words
, investing money in our own film industries means they
also
Linking Words
 preserve their
cultures
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have control over the
movie
Use synonyms
 productions that are filled with cultural and educational values.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
governments
Use synonyms
 want to emphasize more on historical values, they can make documenter
films
Use synonyms
contain
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
 some scenes which show any traditional occasions.
However
Linking Words
, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people like to watch documentary movies. As an alternative, they
also
Linking Words
 need to provide many light
films
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as comedy and drama, to attract youngsters who usually do not bother to watch any
films
Use synonyms
 related to ancient times. Of course, the movies must
be inserted
Wrong verb form
insert
show examples
 some valuable moments of certain
cultures
Use synonyms
 subtly,
although
Linking Words
 they are not documentary ones.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is better for
governments
Use synonyms
 to lower the ticket price of the cinema.
Thus
Linking Words
, it hopefully will increase the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the movies.
For example
Linking Words
, to attract some teenagers to buy, they can give a special ticket price for students. By doing so, the
films
Use synonyms
 will be very highly anticipated.
Also
Linking Words
, people will tend to have a positive impression towards the
movie
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, investing money to make original
films
Use synonyms
 in order to preserve the
cultures
Use synonyms
 is a highly recommended suggestion for
governments
Use synonyms
. They can make educational yet valuable
films
Use synonyms
 with a lower ticket price to attract audiences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a balanced structure between paragraphs to enhance readability and flow. Avoid redundancy and ensure each sentence serves a clear purpose.
task achievement
Develop each supporting point with more precise examples and explanations. If possible, expand on how local industries have successfully promoted culture through their films.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and unnatural phrasings. A thorough proofread or an external review can be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that bookend the main arguments effectively.
task achievement
The author's agreement with the statement is supported through relevant points and real-life examples.
task achievement
There is a noticeable effort to provide specific strategies, such as lowering ticket prices, to enhance local film industries.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Americanisation
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Local cinema
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Film subsidies
  • National identity
  • Artistic expression
  • Blockbusters
  • Cultural preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: