IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Although
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 several
museums
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 around the world do not have an
admission
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 fee, for visiting most of them you must pay that.
This
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 essay will demonstrate how
entry
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 payment can affect the quality of those places but will
also
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 show that
this
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 can lead to
such
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 issues as deterring the number of visitors. Whilst acknowledging that there are drawbacks, I agree with those who believe
entry
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 tickets must be involved.
Museums
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 are known to be one of the most substantial parts of societies due to their valuable role in maintaining and introducing the nation's history and heritage. Visiting these places is far more than just enjoying the exhibits, it is rather a social activity that heightens our information and understanding about the background of countries. In the current era, thanks to the advancement of technology, a lot of entertainment is at
people
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's fingertips.
Hence
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, for encouraging more
people
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 to find out about the culture, increasing the attraction of
museums
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 is an absolute necessity, something that requires a significant budget.
For instance
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, recruitment of professional
people
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 who not only have good knowledge about the history and tradition of societies but
also
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 can speak several languages would ensure the charming of
museums
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 for tourists. Those persons, due to their special competencies, will accept
this
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 career if they are offered high salaries. So, it's well worth it that
museums
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 generate revenues from
entry
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 payments. (So, it's well worth generating revenues from
entry
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 payments)
However
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, the
admission
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 fee of
museums
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 has decreased the number of their visitors. It is undeniable that individuals now have access to uncountable free hobbies.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 economic climate
that is
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 difficult to cover expenses, it is often easy to use a museum
admission
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 price as an excuse to choose a free pastime.
This
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 occasion even appears more serious when it comes to worldwide well-known
museums
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. There are several places in
different
Add an article
a different
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corner
Fix the agreement mistake
corners
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 of the globe that only wealthy
people
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 can afford to visit
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Moreover
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, schools rely heavily on
museums
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 to enhance their curriculum.
For instance
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, in some countries
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
museums
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 are
free
Add a comma
,free
show examples
 there are partnerships between cultural parts of those sites with schools, programs that would ensure the awareness of pupils about their customs. To sum up, though entrance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
museums
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 can result in decreasing the number of their visitors, it greatly impacts the quality of them so it seems to me that charging
people
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 for
admission
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 would be a proper choice.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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