IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

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The mortality rates in developing nations are higher than those in developed nations.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that in the upcoming economies,
people
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 are still dying from
diseases
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 that are curable and these
people
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 cannot afford to buy
medicines
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. The drug
companies
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 should sell
medicines
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 at low cost to these
countries
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 by fast-tracking their research and development programs to manufacture
medicines
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 economically.
Also
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, the government in these
countries
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 need to subsidize the
medicines
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 to make them affordable to poor
people
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. On the one hand, most of the
people
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 in poor
countries
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 have dire living conditions.
Due to
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 these living conditions, they fall sick with seasonal and spreadable
diseases
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such
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 as malaria, chicken pox, typhoid etc. These
people
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 cannot afford treatment for these
diseases
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 because it is expensive. We can read in newspapers that
people
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 are still dying from malaria in African
countries
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, but a disease like malaria does not exist in developed
countries
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. So, pharma
companies
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 must come forward to sell low-cost
medicines
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 for these common
diseases
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.
Also
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, the government must have a robust immunization and vaccination policy against seasonal and spreadable
diseases
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 and must create awareness that prevention is better than cure.
On the other hand
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, manufacturing
medicines
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 comes at a higher cost. Pharmaceutical
companies
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 spend a lot in their research programs to find a cure for any disease. They cannot always sell
medicines
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 at a cheaper price.
For example
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, when the world was affected by COVID, all the
countries
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 came together to invent
medicines
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 at a rapid pace to prevent them from dying and they sold
medicines
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 at a subsidized price.
Similarly
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, governments need to have policies to incentivize these
companies
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 to sell affordable
medicines
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 to the
people
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.
To conclude
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, the drug
companies
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 need to create a balance between the product cost and affordability. In case there are any
medicines
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 that cannot be sold at a lower price
then
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 they need to approach the government for a subsidy.

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task achievement
While the response is generally good and addresses the task, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your ideas follow a logical structure throughout the essay. This will improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear stance and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing the prompt and offering both sides of the argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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