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Band 6

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that chilren should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many people believe that
children
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 should enroll in schools at a young
age
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while
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 others believe that they had better start their academic journey when they get older.
This
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 essay discusses both views and states my opinion that students should start academic schooling at an old
age
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. On the one hand, the legitimate reasons for young
children
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 to attend
school
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relates
Correct subject-verb agreement
relate
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 to socializing.
Firstly
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,
children
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 should attend classes at a young
age
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 because
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 approach to society as they go outside the house can enhance their boldness and confidence. As young
children
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 go outside into the "small society", they can make new friends,
try
Correct word choice
and try
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 to start new conversations.
In addition
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, they can develop their problem-solving skills by dealing with small situations
such
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 as snatching toys,
tripping
Correct word choice
or tripping
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 from the three-step staircases. It is figured out in some recent research that
children
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 with more social interaction tend to display more confidence. To abridge, c
On the other hand
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, I believe that the key factors to the point that
children
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 should only attend
school
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 when they are old enough relate to their awareness.First and foremost , old
children
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 are more self-reliant than younger
age
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.
Hence
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, they can display better performance and be more responsible for their work at
school
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.
Secondly
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, teens can independently do activities of daily living without help from nursemaids;
therefore
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 they can concentrate on lessons.
For instance
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, kindergarten students cannot eat and study by themselves so they have always been distracted by nursemaids talking and complementaries. As older
children
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 are well-prepared by their parents, I believe that it is more sensible for old
children
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 to enrol in an academic journey. In conclusion, whether or not
children
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 should have formal education at an early
age
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 has been a heated debate. In my opinion,
children
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 had better attend academic journeys when they are well-prepared and ready for serious studying. Meanwhile, younger
children
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 should only attend kindergarten
school
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 with fewer lessons and more toys.

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the reasons why young children attending school can enhance their boldness and confidence. Provide more examples or evidence to support this point.
coherence cohesion
Develop the reasons why children should only attend school when they are older. Provide specific examples or evidence to support this point.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay.
lexical resource
Consider using more academic vocabulary and varied sentence structures throughout the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Review your grammar for mistakes and sentence structure improvements.
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