IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects and develop knowledge. But other people think that they should only learn a small number of subjects in detail Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #children #range #subjects #detail
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The width or depth of educational directions has been argued for hundreds of years without any unified opinions by parents, teachers and education departments. A wide variety of subjects and knowledge will provide more opportunities to the kid,
while
Linking Words
 detailly cultivating one or two strengths will
also
Linking Words
 bring more advantages during the career.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both arguments in equal priority. On the one hand, since children’s talent is difficult to discover during their early careers, the best option for future development is building a compact foundation that could be applied in different directions and changed environments. So learning various lessons and skills can help
students
Use synonyms
 in different approaches, including testing and noticing their potential, promoting their interest in exploration and training their adaptive capacity, which means the challenges and changes coming will be handled in a more familiar method without any doubt and confusion.
In addition
Linking Words
, a wide range of fundamental knowledge could benefit future graduates, corresponding to the fast growth of scientific technology and rapid changes in the job market.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, focusing on typical subjects always plays a critical role as a shortcut for middle school
students
Use synonyms
 in order to increase their academic scores and strengthen related background knowledge. Normally,
students
Use synonyms
 can efficiently achieve some improvements by concentrating on one or two majors, immersing themselves in the database of relative discipline, and accelerating the information-taking process.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the gap between them and other
students
Use synonyms
 in specific areas will hiddenly expand until the end of their studying career, and these advantages strongly impact the possibility of an ideal occupation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the distribution of education resources could be optimised through fewer curriculums taken by each student, contributing to the quality and suitability of both the teaching organization and respondents. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both of the suggestions are reasonable and equivalent based in my opinion, the free selection and switching between them will be most necessary to establish an excellent teaching system, which is not only able to afford a comprehensive basic of abilities and habits, but
also
Linking Words
 can order an allowance for each individual to delve into specific field because of faith and love.
Submitted by yuanchenlcharles on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow in your essay with clear linking of ideas and paragraphs. The current structure appears disjointed.
coherence cohesion
Remember to have a clear introduction and conclusion that state the topic and summarise the main points. Yours are unclear and do not satisfy this requirement.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific, relevant examples and explanations to make your argument stronger and clear.
task achievement
Fully address the task by discussing both views on the subject matter as well as providing your own opinion clearly and distinctly.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and develop them fully to provide a comprehensive response to the prompt.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support arguments, contrasting both views clearly before giving your final opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: