IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. Minimum 250 words

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In some nations, college
students
Use synonyms
 stay with their families
while
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 they study,
whereas
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 in others, they move to another place to take their classes. There are numerous advantages and
downsidesof
Correct your spelling
downsides of
 living away from
home
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, but I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for a brighter future. Some people believe that living away from
home
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 may lead to loneliness
due to
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 the struggle with adapting to a new environment
that is
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 totally different from their comfort zone.
Students
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 who pursue their study abroad may feel isolated without family support especially when they are facing hard times to follow the lectures there.
Moreover
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, if the
students
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 come from low-income families, they will confront difficulties managing their living expenses.
On the other hand
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, others consider that migrating to other cities or countries may improve our independence and life
skills
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, especially in managing our finances, time and cooking
skills
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.
Furthermore
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, the prestigious universities with better curricula and networking
opportunities
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 are located in bigger cities.
For example
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, I was pleased to continue my studies at UGM Yogyakarta because they provide many
opportunities
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 to have internships in the best institutions and
also
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 give a lot of academic resources online and offline that can be accessed easily by the
students
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.
Additionally
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, the strength of their alumnae allows the fresh graduates to connect with certain popular jobs that benefit their future careers. As I explained living away from
home
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 may bring homesickness and financial struggles but it is just a temporary feeling,
whereas
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 the upgraded
skills
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 and
opportunities
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 gained
last
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 a lifetime. Many successful professionals can be at their best because they had experiences studying away from
home
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 that enhance their independence and
skills
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. In conclusion, despite the financial and emotional challenges, I believe the benefits of independence and personal development
along with
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 the career
opportunities
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 outweigh the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Address all the parts of the task prompt to ensure a complete response. Consider adding more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Be sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to strengthen logical progression. Some more clear connections between sentences could improve fluidity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a strong introduction and conclusion, outlining the main argument effectively.
supported main points
Main points are well supported with relevant examples and reasoning, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic's complexities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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