IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#television #children #two #five #support
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Nowadays, advertisers are targeting
toddlers
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 and
children
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 by enticing them with
advertisements
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.
This
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 is an abhorrent practice and I am firmly opposed to targeting immature minds for selling
products
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. In the following paragraphs, I will provide reasons and examples to support my viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, marketing agencies are well aware that young
children
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 are manipulative by nature and will throw wild tantrums to get whatever they fancy upon. With
this
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 in view, they create visually appealing
advertisements
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 to entice the
toddlers
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, and for a good measure try to convince
that
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them that
show examples
 their
products
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 are good for the health and well-being of the
child
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. The World Health Organization (WHO) has framed several reports that show that these
products
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 like food supplements, chocolates and candies, toys and dresses etc. have little value for the well-being of the
child
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.
For example
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,
although
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 brands like Farex, Cerelac, Lactogen etc. say that their milk supplement is vital for the
child
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, WHO has reported that young
children
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 only need mother's milk.
Further
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, when the above facts are presented, these agencies pose innocent and insist that their
advertisements
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 are harmless and funny. Nothing could be
further
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 from the truth! These fancy
advertisements
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 create an artificial sense of lack among
toddlers
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. Especially, if the parents are not well-off and are unable to buy these
products
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, the
children
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 develop a sense of inadequacy and inferiority. Only recently has the government woken up to these harmful activities and banned the targeted
advertisements
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 towards
toddlers
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. In the above paragraphs, I have examined in detail the undesirable effects of
advertisements
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 directed towards young
children
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.
Although
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 the government has banned most of these commercials, parents
also
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 should be educated to spot erroneous
advertisements
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 and keep the
child
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 away from those. In conclusion, I must, and will record my protest over
advertisements
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 targeted towards young
children
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Submitted by anubratadas on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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