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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

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At present, many believe that educational
knowledge
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 must be more prior to candidates in order to succeed in exams rather than enhancing skills and teaching activities
such
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 as cooking or dressing. Personally, I think both academic and other tasks should
also
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 be taught in a balanced manner. On the one hand, the academic
knowledge
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 gained will directly influence life. A person who is educated will have greater job opportunities compared to a non-educated. So the individual will have a stable economy and they will have the potential to fulfill their own requirements and family needs as well.
According to
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 my personal experience, I had a wealthy friend who dropped out of his education and ultimately he ended up being bankrupt.
Furthermore
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,
knowledge
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 provides respect and status in the society. Professions
such
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 as doctors, lawyers and pilots are heavily demanded and respected
due to
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 their rarity in society. So to have a respected celebrated job a higher academic
knowledge
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 is important.
On the other hand
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, there are several reasons which require other talents in cooking and dressing.
For instance
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, a person should have an idea about dressing
according to
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 the setting. For a party or anniversary, a casual dress is perfect, but it won't suit a funeral.
Likewise
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, the individual should have a thorough idea of dressing.
Next,
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the most important aspect of life is believed to be food. Everyone should know how to cook a basic meal to prevent starvation. Sometimes people will have to face problems lonely, so they will have no one to prepare healthy food. So if basic cooking is taught at school it will be a perfect investment for the future. In conclusion, I firmly disagree with the statement that only academic subjects must be learned because both academic and practical skills are equally important and should be taught at school.

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance your transitions between paragraphs to make your argument flow more seamlessly. Additionally, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea can help improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Explicitly state your stance in the introduction and conclusion for clarity. This will help the reader understand your position from the beginning and reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion, addressing both sides of the argument which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples that support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument.
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