IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some say that the standard of behaviour among children has worsened and that this is their parents' fault; others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many young
students
Use synonyms
 have poor behaviours, some people state that
this
Linking Words
 is schools’ fault, while
this
Linking Words
 essay will investigate both views but believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 have the responsibility. On the one hand, there are two reasons why schools are to blame. The main reason is that
children
Use synonyms
 stay most of their time at school. Most
students
Use synonyms
 spend half of the day at school,
teachers
Use synonyms
 will have a higher chance to see their poor habits.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
teachers
Use synonyms
 see
students
Use synonyms
 bully others but ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 will not correct
this
Linking Words
 bad behaviour. Another reason is that
teachers
Use synonyms
 often have a larger influence on
children
Use synonyms
. Most
children
Use synonyms
 respect their
teachers
Use synonyms
 so they are willing to listen to what
teachers
Use synonyms
 say.
Thus
Linking Words
, if a child gets into trouble,
teachers
Use synonyms
 have the best possibilities to educate them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are two reasons why it is
Use synonyms
parents’
Correct article usage
the parents’
show examples
 fault.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 have a closer relationship with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. When
parents
Use synonyms
 chat with them, they may realise some bad habits of them,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 if they find that their
children
Use synonyms
 are bullying others, they can correct their bad habits.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 personality comes from the practical examples
observe
Wrong verb form
observed
show examples
 from home. Kids' bad attitudes come from watching
parents
Use synonyms
 as they may copy from their
parents
Use synonyms
. They may decide whether some behaviours are right or wrong according to
adult’s
Fix the agreement mistake
adults’
show examples
 attitudes.
As a result
Linking Words
, families stand a better responsibility in the failure of
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 behaviour. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 schools have may have some responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
students
Use synonyms
’
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, it is still mainly
parents
Use synonyms
’ fault because they have a deeper relationship and kids are perfect mirrors of their
parents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influencers
  • mimic actions
  • instilling discipline
  • overindulge
  • set boundaries
  • broken homes
  • emotional support
  • shaping behavior
  • substantial amount of time
  • large class sizes
  • code of conduct
  • discipline policy
  • environmental factors
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: