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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many parts of the world, people search for family history. Some people think that finding for the previous generations is a thing to do, but others think that it is better to be focus on present and future generations. Discuss both views and show your opinion

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In some places, researching the history of your ancestors has become increasingly more common. Some people believe it is necessary to give all their attention to the present and the future since it gives them more time to spend with loved ones.
However
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, I strongly believe knowing your family history is a crucial element to nurture your heritage and traditions. Many people choose to focus on providing a better future for their children rather than reminiscing about the past. Because of that, they don't feel pressured to fit into a certain culture.
Concequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, they are saving a lot of money on research
while
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 building a better relationship with their kids. A recent study concludes that doing proper research about your ethnic background usually takes up multiple months. Some think
this
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 time frame could be used more efficiently by connecting with their partner and kids.
However
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, In my view, everyone needs to study their past and ethnicity to implement that culture into their daily life. A lot of traditions are left forgotten because people have gotten too lazy to maintain them. By finding out your ethnicity, you can not only start to learn about your history but
also
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 teach it to the next generation.
As a result
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, the traditional dances, meals, and gestures won't be forgotten.
For instance
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, there is a new business called Ancestry which gives the opportunity to receive full ethnical background reading just by submitting a blood sample.
To conclude
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, researching the past can take up loads of financial and time resources.
Nevertheless
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, I think that learning about traditions is a way to nurture heritage and show respect to your family.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both views of the topic and includes a well-stated opinion. However, consider providing more detailed and varied supporting examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly for the view you oppose.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore') and make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, pay attention to minor grammatical errors such as 'Consequently' (spelling) and capitalization issues like 'However, In my view...' (should be 'In my view, however,...'). Such small adjustments can enhance readability and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both strong and clearly outline your viewpoint, providing a nice frame for your essay.
task achievement
You provide clear and comprehensive ideas, successfully maintaining focus on the essay prompt.
task achievement
You offer practical examples and relevant points, especially when discussing the importance of traditions and heritage, which strengthen your argument.
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