IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Watching television has positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#television #effects #children
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Television is an instrument
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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exhibit
Change the verb form
exhibits
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 various kind of programme, news, and entertainment to
different
Change the article
a different
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 kind of generation. Generally according to the recent publication by famous
TV
Use synonyms
 company mentioning that at-least half hour in a
day
Use synonyms
 people watch
TV
Use synonyms
 for various purpose.
However
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to watch
TV
Use synonyms
 for several
hours
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
day
Add an article
the day
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 become a negative habit for them,
therefore
Linking Words
 I
am strongly disagree
Change the verb form
strongly disagree
show examples
 and express that it yields a more negative effect on them because of following reasons.There are When
children
Use synonyms
 start to spend a lot of
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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watching
TV
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
day-by
Add a hyphen
day-by-day
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day
Use synonyms
 their start to lose their
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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power
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 and where it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to wear
power
Use synonyms
 glass
at
Change preposition
apply
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during their early childhood
period
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. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example if we take 10
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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 as a sample in a
class room
Correct your spelling
classroom
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 we can figure out at least 3 to 4
children
Use synonyms
 wearing
power
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 glass,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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this
Linking Words
 count is a growing pattern.
Replace the word
Imagine
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Imaging
Correct your spelling
Imagine
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 that a child
spend
Change the verb form
spends
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 nearly 5 to 6
hours
Use synonyms
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
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 programme or other interesting areas
then
Linking Words
 he doesn'
t
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 have enough
time
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 in a
day
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 to focus on other main things which are important during
those
Change the determiner
that period
those periods
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period
Use synonyms
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to recall what
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
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 taught in the
class room
Correct your spelling
classroom
show examples
 which may affect their education as well as generate poor grading
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 in the class.
Morevoer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
children
Use synonyms
 during their early childhood
period
Use synonyms
 can develop many skills,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 can learn about how to play cricket or football, how to sing a song, but if they start to give huge
time
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 to watching
TV
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 programme
then
Linking Words
 they
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
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 develop
those required skill
Change the determiner
that required skill
those required skills
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 and later may feel
worry
Change the verb form
worried
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 about that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
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 lose their valuable
time
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 without doing anything.
However
Linking Words
, due to our current education system
children
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 may feel so much
of
Change preposition
apply
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stress from the
time
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 of entering the school to leave, where teachers and parents start to focus their
children
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 to achieve few
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 which
are
Change the verb form
is
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Replace the word
actually
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actual
Add the comma(s)
,actual
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 not valuable or not bring any meaning to their life.
Therefore
Linking Words
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 for
few
Correct article usage
a few
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hours
Use synonyms
 during their
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
 may give
high
Add an article
a high
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 level of
satifaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 and stress relief. In conclusion, I brief that watching
TV
Use synonyms
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several
hours
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 may reduce the eye
power
Use synonyms
 of
children
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 in their early childhood
period
Use synonyms
,
moreover
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, don'
t
Use synonyms
 have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to
re study
Add a hyphen
re-study
show examples
 subjects and feeling lacking to develop
unique
Add an article
a unique
the unique
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 skill for an example- playing cricket, football, and singing song when they can develop.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 because of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
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 level of
pressure
Add a comma
,pressure
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 they are absorbing daily it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 a stress relief to them.
Therefore
Linking Words
 with the proper guidelines from their parents or other people use to watch only a few
hours
Use synonyms
 in a
day
Use synonyms
 if not it will harm your body
initially
Linking Words
then
Linking Words
drippling
Correct your spelling
dripping
dropping
 your life in
longer
Add an article
the longer
show examples
 term.
Submitted by y.jena2 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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