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Band 4

Watching television has positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#television #effects #children
Television is an instrument
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
exhibit
Change the verb form
exhibits
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 various kind of programme, news, and entertainment to
different
Change the article
a different
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 kind of generation. Generally according to the recent publication by famous
TV
 company mentioning that at-least half hour in a
day
 people watch
TV
 for various purpose.
However
,
children
 tend to watch
TV
 for several
hours
 in
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
 become a negative habit for them,
therefore
 I
am strongly disagree
Change the verb form
strongly disagree
show examples
 and express that it yields a more negative effect on them because of following reasons.There are When
children
 start to spend a lot of
hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
then
day-by
Add a hyphen
day-by-day
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day
 their start to lose their
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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power
 and where it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to wear
power
 glass
at
Change preposition
apply
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during their early childhood
period
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example if we take 10
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 as a sample in a
class room
Correct your spelling
classroom
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 we can figure out at least 3 to 4
children
 wearing
power
 glass,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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this
 count is a growing pattern.
Replace the word
Imagine
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Imaging
Correct your spelling
Imagine
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 that a child
spend
Change the verb form
spends
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 nearly 5 to 6
hours
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 programme or other interesting areas
then
 he doesn'
t
 have enough
time
 in a
day
 to focus on other main things which are important during
those
Change the determiner
that period
those periods
show examples
period
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
Add a comma
,example
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 they don'
t
 have enough
time
 to recall what
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 taught in the
class room
Correct your spelling
classroom
show examples
 which may affect their education as well as generate poor grading
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 in the class.
Morevoer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
children
 during their early childhood
period
 can develop many skills,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 can learn about how to play cricket or football, how to sing a song, but if they start to give huge
time
 to watching
TV
 programme
then
 they
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
 develop
those required skill
Change the determiner
that required skill
those required skills
show examples
 and later may feel
worry
Change the verb form
worried
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 about that
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
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 lose their valuable
time
 without doing anything.
However
, due to our current education system
children
 may feel so much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stress from the
time
 of entering the school to leave, where teachers and parents start to focus their
children
 to achieve few
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
Replace the word
actually
show examples
actual
Add the comma(s)
,actual
show examples
 not valuable or not bring any meaning to their life.
Therefore
 watching
TV
 for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
hours
 during their
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
 may give
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of
satifaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 and stress relief. In conclusion, I brief that watching
TV
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several
hours
 of
time
 may reduce the eye
power
 of
children
 in their early childhood
period
,
moreover
, don'
t
 have enough
time
 to
re study
Add a hyphen
re-study
show examples
 subjects and feeling lacking to develop
unique
Add an article
a unique
the unique
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 skill for an example- playing cricket, football, and singing song when they can develop.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 because of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 level of
pressure
Add a comma
,pressure
show examples
 they are absorbing daily it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 a stress relief to them.
Therefore
 with the proper guidelines from their parents or other people use to watch only a few
hours
 in a
day
 if not it will harm your body
initially
then
drippling
Correct your spelling
dripping
dropping
 your life in
longer
Add an article
the longer
show examples
 term.
Submitted by y.jena2 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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