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Band 5.5

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.

#societies #world #population #cost #healthcare #nation’s #provision #future
A disproportionate percentage of elderly
people
 within populations has incurred
costs
 that the working
population
 could not offset. It was once effective to use taxpayers' money to finance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
healthcare
costs
.
However
, it would be more feasible for a
population
 to
instead
 contribute to
healthcare
costs
 incurred in their lifetime.
This
 is because it inculcates a sense of responsibility for
one
's health, as well as reduces waste of national resources. Paying for
one
's own
healthcare
 can be expensive, but only if poorly managed.
People
 make all sorts of decisions
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
,
such
 as how often they eat desserts, or whether they walk in the sun with appropriate protection. While it could be argued that
healthcare
 is
one
 of the basic human rights, it is
also
 important to consider man's right to freedom of choice. Allowing a nation to take ownership of their medical needs
such
 as melanoma treatment could empower the public to seek preventions rather than cures.
One
 not only breeds accountability
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 encourages
people
 to weigh their decisions and assess the consequences they are comfortable with. Another reason for re-assessing the current system is to reduce
waste
Correct article usage
the waste
show examples
 of
healthcare
 and the country's resources that could be redirected elsewhere.
For instance
, if less money and manpower are concentrated on medical ailments like obesity and cataract,
one
's government could improve other phenomena
such
 as the income gap in the
population
 or combat national contributions to global warming. In a nutshell,
people
 should manage their medical
costs
 and treatment as it is
one
 of the most feasible approaches to the rise in
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population
 globally.
This
 approach would empower each individual to be responsible for their decisions and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
minimise
wastage
Correct article usage
the wastage
show examples
 of precious resources.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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