IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
In recent years.
Technology
 has developed tools that allow us to communicate.
while
 some
people
 believe that those tools have brought us closer. Others argue that it has driven us apart. I believe that social media offers a more efficient way to communicate than before. On the one hand, social media platforms offer several benefits to us. it allows us to communicate with those we love at any time and anywhere across the sea.
Whereas
 before advanced
technology
,
people
 struggled to connect together in different countries.
For example
,
people
 in the 1960s used to send paper messages around the world. To communicate with each other.
This
 process could take months or even years to arrive.
Therefore
,
technology
 has saved us and made it easy for us.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argue that the internet makes us more antisocial. A primary reason for
this
 belief is that
people
 have become more dependent on
technology
.
For instance
,
people
 used to interact physically on a daily basis.
However
, now they can communicate on their devices
instead
 of interacting in person.
In addition
, the potential risks of addiction and isolation that could happen
due to
 overusing the internet.
However
, I believe it depends on the person himself, and it has nothing to do with
technology
. In conclusion, it is evident that tech has a huge impact on how we communicate today. it helps us to interact with
people
 overseas.
Hence
. I agree that
technology
 brought us together rather than driven us apart.
Submitted by reem.rz112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring variety in sentence structures and improving punctuation to enhance clarity. For example, some sentences could be combined to avoid fragments and elevate clarity.
task achievement
To strengthen your essay, ensure that each main idea is thoroughly supported with detailed and specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints in the discussion, giving a balanced view.
task achievement
Your use of historical comparisons, such as the example of communication in the 1960s, adds depth to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: