IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#lifestyles #parents #time #children #attention
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s rapidly changing world,
parents
 have less time to spend with their offspring, which may lead to a deterioration in
children
’s mental and physical health. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
 point of view.
Firstly
, one principal reason for the lack of attention is that in
this
work-centered
Change the spelling
work-centred
show examples
 era, both mother and father are working full time;
therefore
, they hardly get time to interact with their sons or daughters on a daily basis. From
parents
’ perspective, they focus on earning money in order to give their offspring better opportunities to live a luxurious life.
However
,
this
 leads to the separation between
parents
 and
children
 when they have little interaction;
furthermore
,
children
 may
also
 feel lonely and isolated from other family members since they are so timid that they cannot talk to anyone about their problems.
Secondly
, a number of
parents
 want their sons or daughters to live independently. They frequently expect their offspring to be able to deal with difficulties without any support from them.
For instance
, in most Western countries,
parents
 tend to let their
children
 move out to live on their own when they turn eighteen.
Nevertheless
, it may have an adverse effect in some cases.
Children
 can be demoralized when they must tackle a number of setbacks in their own life without any advice and encouragement from their
parents
. In conclusion, I believe that
parents
 play a crucial role in nurturing their
children
;
thus
, they must interact more with their offspring to make sure that all aspects of life are fulfilled, not merely materialistic.
Submitted by thumai2905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: