IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Environment protection is the responsbility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an interesting opinion that
politicians
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 have a responsibility to conserve nature, as
individuals
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 can do too little. From my perspective, I strongly agree that
politicians
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 should make efforts to protect the
environment
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 rather than people. At
first,
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strict regulations can only conserve the
environment
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. For a long period of time, the responsibility of protecting the
environment
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 has heavily relied on social conscience, meaning that factories can use toxic chemicals that destroy nature.
Such
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 pollution and environmental destruction have been caused by industry’s activity.
Therefore
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, a strict law should be enacted by
politicians
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 to protect the
environment
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.
For
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example
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. Ozon layer was destroyed using refrigerants. Companies had kept using refrigerant largely
due to
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 the cost before an international consensus was reached. If lawmakers did not enforce strict laws about the emission of refrigerants, Ozon layer might keep being destroyed.
Furthermore
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,
individuals
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 have a tendency that they prioritize their convenience.
For
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example
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, people may prefer to make use of plastic bags that contribute to ocean pollution.
This
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 is mainly because using plastic bags is not only more convenient than using paper bags, but
also
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 they are
cheap
Replace the word
cheaper
. Another
example
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 of
this
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 is that companies pursue their profits more than the conservation of the
environment
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.
For
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example
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, in South Korea, factories tended to dump harmful chemicals into rivers and streams. Tipping chemicals into those is much cheaper than filtering pollutants. If there were no strong regulations regarding disposals, manufacturers might keep dumping pollutants into rivers and streams.
To conclude
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, as studied above, I believe that environmental protection is the responsibility of
politicians
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 , not
individuals
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, since
politicians
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 can only enact strict laws and
individuals
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 and companies prioritise their profits.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more fully. You say you strongly agree, but you do not clearly explain why people have no real duty at all.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Sometimes you say politicians should do more, but the question asks if it is only their job.
task response
Use examples with more clear detail. Your ideas are good, but some examples are too short or not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with paragraph focus. In body 2, you mix individuals and companies in one paragraph, so the point is less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way, like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You use relevant examples about factories, plastic bags, and refrigerants.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow.
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