IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Children are experiencing increasing educational, social and commercial pressure. What are the causes? What measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

#children #pressure #measures
At present,
children
 have to deal with the great external pressure created by their surrounding environment.
This
 essay will elaborate on relevant facts of
this
 matter by providing examples as well as solutions for them. The major reason for
this
 pathetic situation is the gap between
kids
' and
parents
' attitudes on studies. To exemplify,
instead
 of allowing youngsters to select their favourite subjects and create their own future path, their guardians forcefully push them to other streams with high demand even they are not interested in,
such
 as medicine, law, business, and so on.
However
, sometimes
this
 will end up creating a mentally and physically unbalanced person to society.
Moreover
,
parents
 never think twice to allocate money for their
kids
' education.
For instance
, youngsters have to waste their valuable time on extra classes.
Moreover
, they attend these classes because there is no other option for them. Other than that
parents
 want to maintain their social status by making their child reach as highest as she or he can in their education. The pressure can easily collapse
kids
' mindsets. Because of these things, students will not be able to blush up their inherited skills. The best solution for these problems is, both
parents
 and
children
 should talk to each other to express their inner feelings. As well as, it should not be forgotten that mothers and fathers are the most trustworthy ones for their
kids
,
therefore
 they should understand the capacity of their own
children
. Other than that,
instead
 of pursuing
children
 to archive
parents
' targets,
parents
 must help them to archive their goals. as
such
 it can be concluded that nowadays
kids
 have to deal with the pressure caused by different aspects of society as well as of their family.
However
,
parents
 can greatly help
children
 to get rid of their stressful feelings and improve their qualities just b pay creating a better conversation and a thorough bond with them.
Submitted by tharukaperera141 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: