Many people believe that cloths or costumes are more responsible for the occurrence of rape. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that wearing sex-temptation clothes or costumes is considered an important reason for committing a rape crime by many people.
However
, I completely disagree that dressing sexy is responsible for criminals.
On the one hand, I admit that judging from some social news, those women dressing sexy are more common in a rape crime compared to dressing conventional. But I don't acknowledge the claim that victims should also
be blamed. Everyone has the legal right to dress freely, manifesting his personality and showcasing an ideal body shape. Blaming those victims to dress
freely Change preposition
for dressing
instead
of the weak legal system is similar to blaming wild zoo visitors hurt by wild animals coincidently breaking out rather than zoo guardians. In my opinion, the prevalence of rape represents the loophole of
the legal and security system in society.
Change preposition
in
On the other hand
, women in comparatively poverty areas are more inclined to be raped like in some rural areas in India or Africa. People living in these areas, involving higher unemployment rates and extreme inequality of resource allocation are always goofing around, mostly less self-disciplined and easily drilling an anti-social mindset. Moreover
, these negative emotional people are usually not afraid of being sentenced to prison because reality is even harsher
to get through. Correct your spelling
harder
Therefore
, issues in the less developed geographic area should be raised concern and more responsible for crime.
In conclusion, I completely disagree that dressing freely could be responsible for raping but a weak legal system, poverty and inequally resource allocation should be blamed.Submitted by erminelyu on
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Language use
Your essay presents a good argument against the notion that clothing is responsible for rape, reflected in supported main points and a clear stance throughout. However, consider diversifying your vocabulary to enhance clarity and persuasive power.
Structure
You've managed to organize your essay with a coherent logical structure and a clearly stated introduction and conclusion. For improvement, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow and coherence.
Supporting evidence
To strengthen your argument, include more specific examples or evidence to back your claims. This could further support your position and make your argument more compelling.
Sensitivity
Be mindful of sensitive topics and strive to address them with the utmost respect and consideration. Language and examples should be chosen carefully to avoid unintended implications.
Topic Understanding
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of the essay topic by taking a strong stance and arguing comprehensively against the notion that clothing causes rape.
Conclusion Strength
Your essay effectively wraps up with a strong conclusion that reinforces your standpoint, summarizing the key points succinctly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.