For many people, the reason they work hard is earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

It is often said that nowadays, people work hard in order to make

money

Use synonyms

This

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writer believes that

this

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statement is true

due to

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the reason that hard-working can be a chance to give themselves a promotion and acknowledgement,

besides

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that, receive more

money

Use synonyms

for what you have done.

Body paragraph 1

It must be understood that hard-working employees usually leave their boss with an impression and trust.

This

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means that they are likely to become an applicant for a higher position in their company.

Therefore

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, they can earn more bills

due to

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that position that they have reached.

For example

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, in many chains of restaurants, the key factor to apply for a higher place is that you are working hard and dedicated to the job.

Thus

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, hard effort can place you in a better position in order to earn more payment.

Body paragraph 2

Another point worth considering is that you can earn payment equal to the amount of jobs you have done.

In other words

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, you can earn more

money

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by completing as much work as you can.

As a consequence

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, hard effort will lead you to the bunch of cash that you deserve. Take some private companies in Vietnam

for example

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, there are usually terms in labour contracts that give the workers the amount of

money

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or the same percentage the company earned by that contract.

Hence

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, the more you work, the more you earn.

Conclusion

In conclusion, working hard can lead you to a higher stand and make

money

Use synonyms

from the amount of contract you have done.

Additionally

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, working hard is suitable.

May 30, 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt but could explore more perspectives on why people work hard beyond earning money, such as job satisfaction, personal growth, or societal contributions. Including a counter-argument could also enhance the depth of the discussion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. The introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments and restate your position effectively.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea. While the paragraphs are generally coherent, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant and specific examples, making the argument more persuasive. For instance, the example of labor contracts in private companies in Vietnam effectively illustrates how hard work can translate into financial gain.

coherence cohesion

The essay generally maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point that supports the main argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
necessities
monetary rewards
quality of life
luxury items
dependents
responsibility
pursue
personal interests
cultural pressures
wealth accumulation
fulfillment
visible measure
correlate
secure future
comfortable lifestyle
entertainment

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