IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

For many people, the reason they work hard is earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often said that nowadays, people work hard in order to make
money
Use synonyms
.
This
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 writer believes that
this
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 statement is true
due to
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 the reason that hard-working can be a chance to give themselves a promotion and acknowledgement,
besides
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 that, receive more
money
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 for what you have done. It must be understood that hard-working employees usually leave their boss with an impression and trust.
This
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 means that they are likely to become an applicant for a higher position in their company.
Therefore
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, they can earn more bills
due to
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 that position that they have reached.
For example
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, in many chains of restaurants, the key factor to apply for a higher place is that you are working hard and dedicated to the job.
Thus
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, hard effort can place you in a better position in order to earn more payment. Another point worth considering is that you can earn payment equal to the amount of jobs you have done.
In other words
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, you can earn more
money
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 by completing as much work as you can.
As a consequence
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, hard effort will lead you to the bunch of cash that you deserve. Take some private companies in Vietnam
for example
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, there are usually terms in labour contracts that give the workers the amount of
money
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 or the same percentage the company earned by that contract.
Hence
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, the more you work, the more you earn. In conclusion, working hard can lead you to a higher stand and make
money
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 from the amount of contract you have done.
Additionally
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, working hard is suitable.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt but could explore more perspectives on why people work hard beyond earning money, such as job satisfaction, personal growth, or societal contributions. Including a counter-argument could also enhance the depth of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. The introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments and restate your position effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea. While the paragraphs are generally coherent, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, making the argument more persuasive. For instance, the example of labor contracts in private companies in Vietnam effectively illustrates how hard work can translate into financial gain.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point that supports the main argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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