IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures the parents arrange marriages for their children but in others people choose their own marriage partner. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each system?

#cultures #parents #marriages #children #people #marriage #partner #system
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe many times because of their religion
that is
Linking Words
 right to oblige their kids to marry
someone
Use synonyms
, whereas in other nations where
people
Use synonyms
 are opposed to it. It is true that there are civilisations where
people
Use synonyms
 do not allow their children to choose their partner, but parents do that. The main disadvantage is that young adults end up unhappy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have to live with
someone
Use synonyms
 who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not really love.
Also
Linking Words
, there are
families
Use synonyms
 who marry their child at a young age either with
someone
Use synonyms
 at the same age or maybe older,
clearly
Add a comma
,clearly
show examples
 because they cannot fend for themselves, making a deal with other
families
Use synonyms
 for financial support. In the only case where
this
Linking Words
 situation could be conducive to the youngsters, is that their
families
Use synonyms
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 what is the best for them and they want to see them happy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 in developed countries where democracy prevails, citizens are free to make their own choices and decide how they want to make their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is beneficial for them because they have the opportunity to find
someone
Use synonyms
 who really
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
show examples
 end up happy. But there are
also
Linking Words
 many cases where
someone
Use synonyms
 makes a wrong choice concerning his partner.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many
families
Use synonyms
 in which domestic violence prevails.
In addition
Linking Words
, another disadvantage for
people
Use synonyms
 who have the right
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they will marry. is that they maybe never make a decision and dedicate on their careers, as a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result they never make a family. To sum up. I am a
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
someone
Use synonyms
 must be free to find the person who
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to spend the rest of his life.
Submitted by rouxzdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: