IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an intense debate about the criteria of brilliance. Some individuals argue that achievements are the best way to measure genius
while
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others
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 go beyond that there are several factors to identify a clever
person
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. So ,
although
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 the initial idea is logical I believe that the latter
opinion
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 is the right
one
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. On
one
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 hand, a category of scholars has a strong belief that the gifted
person
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 is the
one
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 who reaches his goals . These
people
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 who have great abilities in some fields like arts , science, languages and business are able to exploit their
skills
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 to improve their lives;
in addition
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, they are able to influence
people
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 and institutions in society and those will force them to achieve success.
For example
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, football players, actresses and
others
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 by their
skills
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 attract sponsors who
led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 them to be at the top . So ,
this
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 group believe that the gain
money
Change preposition
of money
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 and the best positions are the title of passing.
On the other hand
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, some scientists have the opposite
opinion
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 that the achieved prices might not necessarily be significant to classify that
person
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 as brilliant or not. Numerous
people
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 in our lives make great gifts but
this
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 does not work because some
people
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 do not present their
skills
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 to society;
furthermore
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,
others
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 may be not making the required efforts for access. If the extraordinary
person
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 were not supplied by work and study , they would not see any progress in their life .
For instance
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, more and more individuals in our environment have stunning powers but shyness and fear lead them to fail.
To sum up
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,
while
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 a
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
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of opinions judging that everyone has exceptional
skills
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 will achieve their targets ,
others
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opinion
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 strongly argue that success is not necessary to indicate that
one
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 has great power.
However
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, l completely agree with the latter
opinion
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, because it is impossible and incredible that every genius
person
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 should succeed.

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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis and that ideas flow logically.
examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples that directly support your arguments.
introduction
Your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument.
conclusion
You have a well-defined conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.
task response
Your essay covers both perspectives as required by the task.
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