Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an intense debate about the criteria of brilliance. Some individuals argue that achievements are the best way to measure genius
while
others
go beyond that there are several factors to identify a clever
person
. So ,
although
the initial idea is logical I believe that the latter
opinion
is the right
one
. On
one
hand, a category of scholars has a strong belief that the gifted
person
is the
one
who reaches his goals . These
people
who have great abilities in some fields like arts , science, languages and business are able to exploit their
skills
to improve their lives;
in addition
, they are able to influence
people
and institutions in society and those will force them to achieve success.
For example
, football players, actresses and
others
by their
skills
attract sponsors who
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
them to be at the top . So ,
this
group believe that the gain
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
and the best positions are the title of passing.
On the other hand
, some scientists have the opposite
opinion
that the achieved prices might not necessarily be significant to classify that
person
as brilliant or not. Numerous
people
in our lives make great gifts but
this
does not work because some
people
do not present their
skills
to society;
furthermore
,
others
may be not making the required efforts for access. If the extraordinary
person
were not supplied by work and study , they would not see any progress in their life .
For instance
, more and more individuals in our environment have stunning powers but shyness and fear lead them to fail.
To sum up
,
while
a
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
show examples
of opinions judging that everyone has exceptional
skills
will achieve their targets ,
others
opinion
strongly argue that success is not necessary to indicate that
one
has great power.
However
, l completely agree with the latter
opinion
, because it is impossible and incredible that every genius
person
should succeed.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis and that ideas flow logically.
examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples that directly support your arguments.
introduction
Your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument.
conclusion
You have a well-defined conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.
task response
Your essay covers both perspectives as required by the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: