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Writing Samples
Band 6

Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write. How does this affect them in life? What can government do to help them?

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Even though the accessibility to education has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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improved over the past years, there are still many
people
Use synonyms
 who are unable to read or write throughout the world.
People
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 lacking the ability to read or write can have some disadvantages, but governments can alleviate the problem by making efforts to help those illiteracies.
To begin
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 with, illiterate
people
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 will face difficulties with finding their occupations. Since most of the common jobs require the ability to read and write, literacy is one of the vital qualities in modern society.
However
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, if someone cannot read or write, employers are going to be unwilling to hire that person.
Moreover
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, those
people
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 without the capability of reading or writing can be easily exposed to an unfair situation. As they cannot comprehend the law, they are more likely to be located outside the safeguard of law.
For instance
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, when they get unreasonable treatment, it would be even harder to ask for help from authorities than normal
people
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for
Correct word choice
because
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 they are illiterate.
Nevertheless
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, the current situation can be handled by several proper actions taken by governments. First and foremost, administrations should provide free lessons from basic to a high level. Through
this
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 program,
people
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 without skills to read or write will become literate, society can
also
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 find some
talented
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talent
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 by educating them.
In addition
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, ministries have to try
helping
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to help
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illiterate
Correct article usage
the illiterate
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 to be in a fence of law.
For instance
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,
tv
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TV
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 programs
such
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 as quiz shows about some laws
people
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 must know can be a way to make illiteracies understand the laws and utilize them. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some issues caused by
this
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 phenomenon, suggested measures can be introduced to address the situation.
Therefore
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, the whole society has to pay attention to reducing the number of illiterate.

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task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points better. This will make the essay more persuasive and grounded in reality.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating the same or similar phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly mentioning 'illiteracies,' consider using synonyms to maintain reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, which adds clarity to the arguments.
task achievement
The response comprehensively addresses the question, discussing both the effects of illiteracy and possible government interventions.
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