IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Your family is going to celebrate an occasion and your sister needs a day off from school. Write a letter to the headmaster of the school

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Dear Mr.John I am Anna Smith,twin of Lisa Smith studying in sixth grade in your esteemed school.I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to you to draw your attention to my sister's request for a day's leave on Monday,the 28th of March. Our relatives from my mother's side staying in Paris,France and celebrating my uncle's 45th anniversary on the 25th of March.I feel it is of utmost importance for my blood sister to receive the blessings of her uncle on
this
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 auspicious occasion.Thanks to the spring holiday we have more days
otherwise
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 we have to request more days off from you.Now,we are in Paris.We flew there about 2-3 days ago and we are celebrating our birthday tomorrow. As a dutiful sibling, I promise you that we will make up for the lost classes.I've made arrangements for my daughter to borrow notebooks from Elsa,who is her friend and is studying in the same class.Lisa is the topper in her class and I hope she will not have any difficulties in coping up.I know requesting a day off from your school is not allowed but we have no other choice.I look forward to your response. Yours truly, Anna

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coherence
Consider adding a brief introduction that explains the purpose of the letter more explicitly. It will enhance the clarity of your request.
cohesion
Try to avoid long sentences, as they can make your writing less clear. Shorter sentences can often improve readability.
task achievement
You have a clear purpose for the letter, which is to request a day off for your sister, and your tone is polite and respectful.
coherence
Your letter follows a logical sequence, making it easy to follow your argument for why your sister should have a day off.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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