IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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some food and beverages
product
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 produced by factory has a significant
level
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 of
sugar
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 in their ingredients. which cause several health issues. in
this
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 essay, I will explain and elaborate why sweetness
products
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 should come at a higher
price
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 in order to influence
people
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 to consume lower levels of
sugar
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. high
level
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 of
sugar
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 often found in factory-made
products
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. meanwhile,
sugar
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 is the root cause of some health problems. because consuming sugary
products
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 leads to the accumulation of glucose in our blood. These accumulations usually trigger a serious illness
such
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 as diabetes.
nevertheless
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, it is important to control the frequency of sugary manufactured
product
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 consumption. I support a policy where the
price
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 of food and drink manufactured
products
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 is higher in order to encourage
people
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 to consume fewer
sugar
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products
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. because in my opinion, the main reason behind purchasing decision is because the
price
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 is cheap.
thus
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, if the
price
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 is high,
people
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 who want to consume high levels of
sugar
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products
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 will think twice before deciding to buy. ,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
first
Add a comma
,first
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 they will think about the
price
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.
also
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, they consider the high
level
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 of
sugar
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 contains in the
product
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.
furthermore
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, they are well aware of the health problem and decide to choose cheaper yet healthy
products
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instead
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. based on
this
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 argumentation, I agree with increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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.
finally
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,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
sugar
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 that contains in the manufactured food and drink
product
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 is on an extremely high
level
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.
this
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 extreme
level
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 of
sugar
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 will lead to serious illnesses like diabetes. because of that, I agree that there must an effective method in order to influence
people
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 to be more aware of their bodies. in
this
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 context, pulling up the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 on the market is very effective.
Submitted by serlyayus on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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