IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Task 2: Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #children #diet #school #parents
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Nowadays,maintaining
a
Remove the article
apply
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good
health
Use synonyms
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 challenging.many people follow a variety of rules to acquire fitness like
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,diet,gym.but,here,public believe that youngsters should learn how to take diet at school only is the effective method to improve their
health
Use synonyms
 conditions.while
,
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apply
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community argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should educate their offsprings to have
a proper
Remove the article
proper food
a portion of proper food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 by giving
protein
Correct pronoun usage
them protein
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food
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
the
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apply
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both points. To embark on,these days,schools
also
Linking Words
 providing
food
Use synonyms
 to their students,so,academy make sure that
food
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have
Change the verb form
has
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a good proteins
Correct the article-noun agreement
good proteins
a good protein
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.they try to give only nutrient
food
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.
therefore
Linking Words
,there is a chance to attain
a
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apply
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good
health
Use synonyms
.
for instance
Linking Words
,government
oragnasations
Correct your spelling
organisations
organizations
 supply bread to everyone who
participate
Change the verb form
participates
show examples
 in their organisations.
therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should allow nutrients
food
Use synonyms
 like eggs,fruits,milk. On
Correct article usage
the other
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other
Change the wording
another
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 side,some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 consider that,
parents
Use synonyms
 do not allow their
children
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 to eat outside
food
Use synonyms
 like biryani,fast
food
Use synonyms
 as these are fat foods if we eat these types of
food
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 there is a chance to become fat.they teach what kind of
food
Use synonyms
 is better for
health
Use synonyms
,
moreover
Linking Words
,they
also
Linking Words
 educate what sort of bread is not good for
health
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a result
Linking Words
 they get a little knowledge about
food
Use synonyms
.
for example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 give almond and cashew nuts everyday morning
their
Change preposition
to their
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children
Use synonyms
.because,these are rich in proteins.
furthermore
Linking Words
,
patents
Correct your spelling
parents
show examples
 should encourage
to
Change preposition
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 to take fruits like apples,grapes.if we eat ample fruits we need not go to
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
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. To conclude,without
health
Use synonyms
 we can not reach our goals.so,we must take care of our
health
Use synonyms
 by providing good
food
Use synonyms
 to our own.youngsters are the pillars of our country,
therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools
are encourage
Change the verb form
are encouraging
show examples
 them to have a healthy diet.
Submitted by anushachenna15 on

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