IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries children are becoming overweight and unhealthy some people think that government should have the responsibility. On what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
The world is changing a lot in the modern era due to the development of the majority of
people
 on not depending on machines and becoming overweight.
However
. some
people
 believe that it is the duty of the
government
 to improve everyone's
health
. Not only
government
 but parents are equally responsible for their
kids
'
health
.
Firstly
 parents nowadays are busier with their work and have very little time to see their
kids
 and provide them with a proper meal. Most
children
 prefer to eat fast food in the order it is easily available in the market, which makes them overweight.
Secondly
,
children
 are spending most of the time on the internet playing various games online,
instead
 of going outside to do some physical activity. Apart from
this
. Soft drinks are
also
 very common at various places which is
also
 the main reason for the unhealthiness of
people
.
For example
, the
government
 should apply more tax on sugary drinks so
people
 would stop buying
this
 kind of stuff and sale will be reduced at some level.
However
, the
government
 should provide information about
health
 through campaigns in villages or cities as the majority of
people
 are not aware of
this
 topic of obesity and its demerit. On the other ,hand they can
also
 organise some outdoor activities for
children
 and encourage them to go out and participate in them. And
this
 thing will definitely help them to lose weight,
kids
 are the future of the nation so parents should
also
 motivate their
kids
 to participate more in physical activities. In conclusion, it is a
government
 responsibility to keep everyone healthy, I agree with
this
 statement because of they make some rules for the better
health
 of
children
then
 it will be beneficial for society as well.
Submitted by Atulgrover46 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: