The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Self-induced is most important to every field but now time whole crowd more interesting in the online task and they part full info about your self because some employees must need your report and some might.In my opinion, I consider that it statement more disadvantages division
parson
information
. On the one hand ,some advantages
this
statement because The
parson
details many folks are held by large online companies and big advantages
this
way
owners provide any report for about your
work
they send the text to
parson
account and address .
Other
Change preposition
In other
show examples
words large internet workers must need
parson
self
validate
Add the particle
to validate
show examples
because they
share
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
any stuff about the
work
they send the
parson
text because they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
share
any problems
opanly
Correct your spelling
openly
only
.
For example
, my bother working in LLC cash changing company and owners
share
any suggestions about it they send the latter to
parson
particular address because it is policy company must send a letter they do not use other
way
share
advice about any job.As a
thus
some
people
don't show the face to online industry but they doing
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
trial in
fild
Correct your spelling
field
file
and in a future any company required to
this
type worker they chak the profile and
essaly
Correct your spelling
essay
easily
early
contact it
way
increasing the
hide
Change the verb form
hidden
show examples
talent.
On the other hand
,as well as big disadvantages of
this
way
now time all individuals using the internet and some
people
using misuse.
In other words
'some
people
hacked
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
your profile and take all
information
about you .
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
Any
parson
Correct your spelling
person
show examples
catch
Change the verb form
catches
show examples
your
information
and they do any bad
work
or anything in your address they show
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
your
information
including
this
work
after crime police need you because into crime include your
information
.
As a result
,that
way
increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
future. In my
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
the government should be chak the students in online companies because now time
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
work
Change to a plural noun
works
show examples
is fake
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
the internet.yet
people
take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full knowledge before
enter
Wrong verb form
entering
show examples
the online field.
Submitted by Varinderaujla9999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: