IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
In today’s society, people’s perspectives on government policies have shown significant divergence. The question of whether the government should prioritize economic
progress
 or consider other matters equally has become a matter of considerable debate.
This
 essay will outline both viewpoints, and I believe that the development of the economy is a priority. On one hand, advocates of equal
progress
 contend that numerous social issues are equally important as economic
progress
.
For example
, the government should provide ready access to education for individuals who are lower-income or live in marginalized regions.
Moreover
, the advancement of healthcare is
also
 a pivotal matter that has to be considered.
This
 innovation not only decreases the rate of chronic diseases but
also
 improves the
overall
 well-being of citizens.
On the other hand
, proponents of economic
progress
 argue that the economy plays a key role in evolving society. When countries have a better economic situation, it can offer more job opportunities for people.
This
, in turn, allows individuals to earn higher salaries and acquire a better standard of living.
Furthermore
, economic
progress
 brings about enormous positive knock-on effects,
such
 as the development of infrastructure, construction restoration, and increased tourism, all of which are advantageous for countries and citizens. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
while
 there are certain issues that need to be addressed, economic
progress
 remains a priority, as it can lead to many benefits: the increased provision of jobs, the enhancement of facilities, and the rise in the number of tourists, all of which benefit both countries and people.
Submitted by zora840810 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance the Task Achievement, include more specific examples to support the points made. This will lend more credibility and depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, consider making the transitions between paragraphs smoother by using linking words and phrases. This will improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on elaborating the ideas more comprehensively. Providing additional details and explanations will clarify your arguments and make them more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the discussion, making it easy for readers to understand the topic and what to expect in the essay.
complete response
The essay does a good job of presenting both viewpoints in a balanced manner before concluding with your own perspective. This demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and ensures a thorough response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: