IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #say #majority #employees #home #workplace
nowadays telework has increased around the world due to the pandemic covid 19.
Moreover
, many employees prefer working from home in order to avoid commuting and balance their professional and personal life. Others people said that homeworking is harmful to our health. I strongly believe that telework has many healthy and psychological drawbacks and
this
 essay will elaborate on that.
Firstly
, working from the house may develop some kinds of illness. Since workers do not move, all the day they stay in front of their laptops.
Instead
 of going out to their workplace and burning many
calories
Add a comma
,calories
show examples
 they stay inactive at home. for that, the majority of employees become easily obese and gain a lot of weight.
for instance
, the percentage of obesity in China among teleworkers has increased to 44% in 2021 during the pandemic.
Secondly
, persons who work daily from home do all their tasks without contacting and talking with their team's work directly. In fact,
this
 daily conversation between staff members helps all employees overcome personal problems and psychological diseases
such
 as depression and isolation.
for example
, during my break time, I prefer to get a cup of coffee with my colleague and
then
 we start to talk positively and remember each other our goals and achievements. To conclude,we could not deny the advantages of telework,
also
 a lot of people prefer working on their own especially women. But the disadvantages outweigh all
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 benefits and unfortunately dire results have been noticed on the physical and mental health of workers.
Submitted by ikramwith483 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: