IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People buy good products that work, therefore, advertising is unnecessary and is no more than a form of entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Determining the impact of
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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advertisement
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 is an ongoing debate among consumers. Some advocate the idea that advertising is simply entertainment because almost all customers know which
products
Use synonyms
 are efficient.
On the other hand
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, others argue that advertising is still useful to persuade them to buy the goods. I completely disagree with the idea that advertising is not important because it can help the public to know about good items.
First,
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people always try to make a good
purchase
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.
For instance
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, if someone wants to buy a smartphone, they will opt for a model that has various functions and a cheaper price.
However
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, they may not find a mobile phone that suits their needs if several companies
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not advertise to them the other models that they have already developed and produced.
Advertisement
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Advertisements
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 will be useful in that case because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can deliver some information about functional phones to buyers.
Therefore
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, publishing
advertisements
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a crucial role in helping purchasers make a better
purchase
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.
Second,
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consumers not only buy
products
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 that they really want but
also
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 want to
purchase
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 some items that were broadcast on TV.
For example
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, some people want to try alcoholic drinks after seeing their
advertisements
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 on TV. To satisfy their curiosity, they
purchase
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 the product and find out whether it has excellent quality or not. In
this
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 case,
advertisements
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 can still influence people to buy
products
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 even though they are not certain about their quality. Aside from that, companies continue to make sales and generate profit thanks to
such
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 commercials.
To sum up
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, every person is not only a reasonable consumer but consumes to satisfy their curiosity.
Hence
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,
advertisements
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 can deliver information about good items to purchasers who find good
products
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as well as
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 a useful method to draw the interests of consumers.

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task response
Ensure that all points directly relate to the argument presented in the question. While your essay does address the topic, focusing on providing more specific examples related to the impact of advertising on consumer behavior and decision-making can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively between sentences and paragraphs.
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