IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In
the
Correct article usage
a
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 world
with
Change preposition
apply
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full of competition,
people
Use synonyms
compete
Add the preposition
forcompete
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 one each other to serve their needs.
This
Linking Words
 leads to the imbalance
competition
Change preposition
of competition
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 from one to another sometimes
becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 against or
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
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 the law or event into
crimes
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, countless
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
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 commit or become
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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 after serving their
first
Linking Words
 punishment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
this
Linking Words
 happening and provide some cause and solution in the upcoming paragraphs.
People
Use synonyms
 who
are involve
Change the verb form
are involved
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 in
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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prison in order their responsibility cause of
misconducted
Replace the word
misconduct
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 or abuse to another.
In addition
Linking Words
, the jail is full of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to
people
Use synonyms
 learn in around bad
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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.
For example
Linking Words
: they make relationships between the criminal to learn criminality in a new method. It can be clearly seen that
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 a place for
people
Use synonyms
 to get training or
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal skills from
another prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
other prisoners
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.
Finally
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, there are two solutions to address offenders do not repeat their
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in the prisoner should get training skills or knowledge that ensure useful to get a job after their service was finished.
For example
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can provide
a
Remove the article
apply
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training in craftmanship or repairing engineering
workshop
Fix the agreement mistake
workshops
show examples
. Meanwhile, it
useful
Add a missing verb
is useful
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 or beneficial to them after release into real life and provide a better ability in their work.
Secondly
Linking Words
, giving financial support
for
Change preposition
to
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 the
people
Use synonyms
 who will run their business.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the bank
a bank
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bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
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 can provide
a
Remove the article
apply
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credit
with
Change preposition
at
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low
Add an article
a low
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 rate for those
people
Use synonyms
 to set up a new business. In conclusion, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear that
people
Use synonyms
 who make
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
 or commit
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lack
skills
Change preposition
of skills
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 to support their life. The government can take action to prevent
people
Use synonyms
repeat
Wrong verb form
repeating
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 as
Add an article
an offender
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offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
 by providing training and giving financial support to run their business when back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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