Many people get little or no exercise either during the working day or their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Many people get little or no
exercise
either during the working day or their free
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and have health problems
as a result
. Working is considered the main reason why
this
is the case, workers should be responsible for solving
this
problem. The biggest factor leading to
this
problem is that do not have free
time
enough since employees always sit down on a chair while they are doing their performance.
For example
, according to the latest research conducted by Bangkok University, it was revealed that 80% of employees of Amazon that working in the office are likely to sit down all day.
This
example shows free
time
plays a major role in a staff
exercise
. In order to solve
this
issue, the manager of companies should take action as soon as possible, The most significant solution to support
this
fact
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
workers should get more facilities to activity ,whereas, they are still at work
time
.
This
is because an employee will get more active by running and working together. To illustrate
this
, in recent news, it has been reported that most staffs in Binance choose to do work along with running on
exercise
equipment in the official company because they can choose both of activities at in same age.
By doing
Change preposition
Doing
show examples
this
exercise
will increase because it is more comfortable. In conclusion, many people get little or no
exercise
either during the working day or their free
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and have health problems
as a result
. In order to combat
this
, workers should get more facilities to
exercise
,whereas, they are still in work
time
.
Submitted by patchara8633 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: