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Writing Samples
Band 6

In most countries, prison is an effective solution for the problem of crime. Some people think a more effective solution is to provide a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

In recent years,
crime
Use synonyms
 has become a serious issue in many societies.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that imprisonment is the most effective way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
, others believe that
education
Use synonyms
 is a better long-term solution. I agree that
education
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 plays a more important role in preventing
crime
Use synonyms
,
although
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 prison remains necessary for dealing with serious
offenders
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. One major reason why
education
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 is a more effective solution to
crime
Use synonyms
 is that it helps prevent criminal behaviour in the first place. Many
people
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 commit crimes
such
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 as theft and robbery
due to
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 a lack of stable income,
while
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education
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 provides practical skills and qualifications that increase their employment opportunities. Without financial pressure to survive,
people
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 are less likely to engage in illegal activities.
In addition
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,
education
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 helps
people
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 develop moral values and legal awareness. Individuals with better judgment are more capable of distinguishing right and wrong, which reduces the likelihood of criminal behaviour.
As a result
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,
education
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 addresses the root causes of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
 rather than merely punishing
offenders
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.
On the other hand
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, when it comes to controlling serious
offenders
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, imprisonment plays an indispensable role in protecting public safety. By isolating dangerous criminals from society, governments can prevent
further
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 crimes and ensure immediate safety for citizens.
This
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 is especially important in maintaining social order and public confidence in the legal system.
Furthermore
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, prisons
also
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 serve a deterrent function, as the threat of severe punishment,
such
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 as loss of freedom and heavy fines, discourages
people
Use synonyms
 from engaging in illegal activities.
Consequently
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, prison remains an effective measure to avoid many potential criminal behaviours. In conclusion,
although
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 imprisonment is necessary for controlling serious
offenders
Use synonyms
 and ensuring public safety,
education
Use synonyms
 is a more effective solution in the long run. By tackling the root causes of
crime
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as unemployment and lack of moral awareness,
education
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 enables
people
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 to prevent illegal activities rather than simply punishing criminals.

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task response
Keep a clear answer to the question. State your view in the intro and restate it in the end. The essay does this, but make the stance more direct.
coherence
Link ideas with clear topic sentences. Start each paragraph with a strong main idea, then add the reasons.
lexical
Some parts use big words; try to use simple words from the common list. This will help reading and fit exam rules.
examples
Add more real examples or facts to show how education can cut crime or give strong policy ideas.
grammar
Check grammar and article use. For example, say 'root causes of crime' and fix any small grammar slips.
content
Clear stance and overall structure
structure
Good flow with a contrast between education and prison
analysis
Reasoned argument about long-term impact
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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