There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, there are various courses for

students

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to study in the school.

However

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students

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cannot choose

subjects

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that are suitable for themselves. They have to follow the syllabus which was provided.

Hence

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, there are arguments on the appropriation of those planned schedules. Some people may want to study only academic

subjects

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such

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as mathematics and sciences and remove all non-academic

subjects

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This

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essay will elaborate on reasons why I disagree that

students

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should learn only academic

subjects

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First,

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studying non-academic

subjects

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such

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as sports and cooking is

also

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essential for young people. If they learn those things, they can better manage their life.

For example

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, sports provide a lot of health benefits to players. It creates good

behavior

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behaviour

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for

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show examples

children. They will get familiar with workout routines. Cooking can help teenagers live on their own. They can save money from dining in restaurants.

Second,

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it is not guaranteed that studying mathematics and science will help you to achieve your goal. The student should select

subjects

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from their interests and abilities.

For instance

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, some

students

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may not know that they are good at singing until they join singing classes. There should be spaces for them to try and show their capabilities. They can be a famous singer and succeed in their career as well.

To sum up

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, it is obvious that people will get to the position that they want if they choose the right career which is suitable for them.

Students

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should be offered opportunities to try whatever they want so they can accurately make a decision.

Thus

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, I believe that both academic and non-academic

subjects

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are equally important.

PunpunWed May 08 2024

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Specific Examples

Try to develop your examples more comprehensively to better illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.

Balanced Discussion

Consider balancing the discussion of both views, even when you have a strong stance, to fully address the prompt.

Sentence Variety

Incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.

Introduction / Conclusion

You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your essay.

Supported Main Points

Your main points are well-supported and contribute to the overall coherence of your essay.

Logical Structure

The logical flow of ideas and effective paragraphing aid in the essay's overall coherence and cohesion.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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in some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?