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Band 4

Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated. Does this machine automation have more pros than cons?

#machine #work #automation
There are many advantages
in
Change preposition
to
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 using the tools that are sometimes multiplex,
however
, they have functions that are fast-automatic,
moreover
Correct word choice
and moreover
show examples
, they do not need to
control
Wrong verb form
be controlled
show examples
.These situations have either positive or negative conditions, and I will discuss
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 causes and show what is more convenient. On the one hand, machines can be used in various parts of the earth.These range from major companies to
households
Change the noun form
household
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 items,
furthermore
, generally speaking,
this
 can
also
 affect the security of the residence.Examples can be seen in convenience stores which are sold numerous articles, in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 places, CCTV is placed by the owners for security,
therefore
, they can always watch what happened in their stores,
consequently
, if objects are theft by the shoplifters, they would know and catch them.It still appears to be the case, in spite of
this
,
this
 case can reduce the employment rate of the human beings who work at the positions of the guard.
Nevertheless
, engines
are
Verb problem
have
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 lessened the hours that are very important for jobs.
For example
, motors do not need to sleep like individuals,
hence
, they do not have feelings of exhaustion,
next,
they are always fresh and can do without talking.
Subsequently
, household chores are finished by the appliances
such
 as washing machines, washbasins, and dishwashers,
thus
, housekeepers can relax in their leisure moments,
as well as
, they can take care of their children because they have more time
according to
 the above facts.
Finally
, employees are nowhere near as exact as devices.
By contrast
, it is true that it has disadvantages including the employment rate.
For example
, mechanisms are replaced by the workers, in the view of the fact that there are numerous souls who are out of the businesses,
this
 can lead to the morals' financial problems and can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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possible
Change the word
possibly
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 the absence of takings.Another opposed reason is the production of instruments
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 taken at countless expenses, which may be prohibited in some circumstances.
This
 was followed by over-dependence on the automatic systems, so citizens are lazy and do not know how to do the tasks without the structures.
Overall
, I accept the
factors
Correct your spelling
fact
show examples
 that automation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many good opportunities
according to
 the above remedies,
whereas
 there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
also
 some unpleasant effects.
Submitted by thetpaingphuewaigracie on

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear stance on whether machine automation has more pros than cons. It is important to clearly address this in your introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure but would benefit from a better link between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and improve the flow of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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