Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

These days, celebrities are renowned for their stylish look and

money

instead

of their achievements, and

this

has a wrong impression on young peoples’

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

This

essay agrees with the statement because famous

people

do very hard work to gain popularity, and young

people

have an immature mind to understand the world.

Firstly

, celebrities put dedicated efforts to furnish their skills even after they become famous.

This

is because practice is needed to perform well in front of the audience, and there is no role of

money

to make them successful in their traits.

However

, an honest effort makes them famous.

For example

, Sachin Tendulkar is a famous Indian Cricketer, and

although

he is rich and popular around the world, his team members admitted that he always

practiced

Change the spelling

practised

show examples

more time as compared to his other

team-mates

Correct your spelling

teammates

show examples

to perform consistently on the ground.

Secondly

, young

people

are not mature enough to understand that

people

who are at the top become famous because they had overcome many obstacles before.

Money

comes when

people

achieve their milestones, and

this

also

makes them stylish.

Therefore

, it is necessary to guide youngsters that it is more important to focus on their skills and sharpen them in order to succeed in life. To illustrate, a study by Cambridge University found that youngsters are 30% more likely to be influenced by celebrities wealth and fame, and

this

has a negative impression on youth’s understanding of achieving success. In conclusion, prominent

people

have gained fame and

money

because of hard work, and we must guide youth that a dedicated effort makes

people

famous.

Submitted by s25698363 on Fri Feb 11 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Serious violent crimes among people who are under 18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like like adults,while others would say they should be rehabilitated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children?

Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Some employers involve their emoplyees in their decision-making process. Do the advantages outwiegh the disadvantages?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.