IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

International travel has many advantages to both travellers and the country that they visited. Do Advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#travel #travellers #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most countries in the world develop tourism spots to gain international visitors.
Although
Linking Words
 it has many benefits for The National Economy, it has some drawbacks for local communities. In my opinion, foreign
travellers
Use synonyms
 benefits surpass the disbenefits. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to state my point of view about it.
First
Linking Words
 of all, international
travellers
Use synonyms
 are more likely to spend more money than local visitors because they come from wealthy countries.
For example
Linking Words
, Bali has already grown into a world-class tourism spot in the past ten years because the Indonesian government
deciding
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to open it for overseas
travellers
Use synonyms
 ten years ago. Right now, Tax revenue from Bali's tourism contributes to one-tenth of the national budget.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it gives jobs opportunity for local resident and help on solving unemployment in the regional state. Even though it has so many advantages, there are some flaws that cause by international
travel
Use synonyms
. It causes the local culture to lose its identity.
For Example
Linking Words
, In the year 1945, Jakarta is famous for its cultures which are dominated by Betawi folks. But the president chooses to open it for international
travel
Use synonyms
 as a part of a bilateral business. A lot of
travellers
Use synonyms
 from other countries flight to Jakarta for Business and leisure purposes. The result is, right now, the local heritages are gone and replaced by modern culture. In conclusion, the advantages of international
travel
Use synonyms
 give more benefit than the disadvantages. It helps people reach all parts of the world for the purpose of leisure or business. To overcome the disbenefit from international
travel
Use synonyms
, the national government should protect the local culture and promote it to international markets.
Submitted by bptj151 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: