IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Both government and individual are spending vast amount of money protecting animals and their habitats. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #amount #money #animals #habitats #society #poverty #healthcare
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It is often argued that more funds are allocated for conserving animals and their environments by the public and policymakers. Some people claim that
such
 spending could be better utilised to address the basic needs of people. In my opinion, I would like to have a balanced approach as both issues are critical to resolve concerning the
overall
 well-being.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, protecting wildlife and their habitats is critical to maintaining a balance in our ecosystem.
That is
 to say that if we are not protecting our forest and natural surroundings that might lead to the extinction of endangered species.
For instance
, a recent study found that Bengali tigers become one of the major extinct species because of deforestation in Northern India.
Consequently
, we might lose the history of those living beings, if the government and residents are not spending money to protect
such
 creatures.
On the other hand
, it is vital that a budget should be allocated to resolve fundamental issues.
In other words
, authorities hold the accountability to address the immediate needs of the public
such
 as homelessness and access to medical systems. If they fail to act on it, might have severe impacts on their citizens
such
 as low standards of living, and prolonged health concerns.
For example
, a recent study found that an average of 40% of people in developing countries still have no access either to healthcare systems or housing
while
 their governments's actively resolving national issues. In conclusion, the protection of animals
as well as
 access to human needs are equally important problems for which the council must segment an equal portion of budgeted money to address them considering their potential impacts else it might pose a threat to society.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear central topic and that ideas within the paragraph logically sequence from one to the next. Avoid presenting multiple unrelated ideas within the same paragraph.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and directly related examples to the topic in order to illustrate your points more effectively. General studies or hypothetical situations are less impactful than actual data or real-world events that closely tie to the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and follow up statements with examples or explanations to improve the flow and clarity of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem
  • Eco-tourism
  • Sustainable harvesting
  • Ethical responsibility
  • Conservation
  • Poverty alleviation
  • Healthcare access
  • One Health concept
  • Environmental stewardship
  • Societal well-being
  • Fiscal balance
  • Social programs
  • Long-term sustainability
  • Environmental degradation
  • Future generations
  • Cost of inaction
  • Wildlife preservation
  • Natural habitat
  • Philanthropy
What to do next:
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