IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a controversial statement heating a debate over whether law-breakers should be well-educated and trained
while
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 being kept in captivity. Personally, I consider myself an advocate of
this
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 perspective
due to
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 the redeeming features that it might bring to
offenders
Use synonyms
as well as
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 the whole
Use synonyms
society
Change preposition
of society
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. It is evident that providing education and training courses
while
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 being captured in jail can enormously do wonders for
offenders
Use synonyms
, especially after they are released. It is by no means easy for a perpetrator to reintegrate into
society
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 and land a decent job after a long time being imprisoned
due to
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 their criminal record and skill level, and
hence
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increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 the rate of repeating convict crimes again.
Therefore
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, offering training programmes can prevent
this
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 phenomenon by
facilitating
Verb problem
providing
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offenders
Use synonyms
 with essential insights and different sets of skills so they can find
an
Correct article usage
apply
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appropriate
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 after they are sent back to the community. Without a shadow of a doubt, education and training are more viable methods to cope with criminals.
While
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 the merits that education and training programs bring to
offenders
Use synonyms
 are widely acknowledged,
society
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is benefited
Wrong verb form
benefits
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 as well. During
the
Change the word
their
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 serving time,
offenders
Use synonyms
live
Verb problem
apply
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mostly rely on the national coffer which is paid for by ordinary citizens. By giving them sufficient skills to earn their own income, it will not only reduce the financial burden
to
Change preposition
on
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 the whole nation but
also
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 encourage them to become productive members of
society
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. In the long run, it can reduce the crime rate in that country which may act as a precursor for the prosperity of a nation. Notably, well-educated and trained
offenders
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 bring favourable impacts to the community.
To sum up
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, I strongly believe that educating and training law-breakers is tremendously beneficial for their reintegration
as well as
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Use synonyms
society
Change preposition
for society
show examples

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. This will guide your reader on your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use simple linking words (like 'firstly', 'next', 'finally') to help connect your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that show your main argument clearly.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both the benefits for offenders and society, which shows a balanced view in your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prison
  • criminals
  • effective
  • education
  • training
  • dealing
  • jobs
  • skills
  • change
  • behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • programs
  • repeat offenses
  • community
  • service
  • results
  • environment
  • harsh
  • focus
  • reduce
  • crime
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