Do you Agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money ? Give reasons for your answer.

As we all have come across to a point

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

trend for

celebrities

has increased drastically and they are being overpaid. I do not agree, with the above statement down the line I will be explaining a few points which will

have

Verb problem

give

show examples

a clear view that

celebrities

are not being paid far too much.

Firstly

, there are many actors, singers or models who perform for us on the big screens so that we can enjoy our lives and learn new lessons. We are not aware of the hard work they go through it takes almost a year or two to display one movie in theatres. They have to be, punctual for their shoots because it takes proper timing and has to match nature's background. There are so many dances, dialogues and various types of activity that need to be performed by one individual. For, example the king of Bollywood

Sharukh

Correct your spelling

Shahrukh

Khan was not famous, in past but after putting in a lot of effort today he is one of the best actors in India and the highest-paid film star in the Indian film industry.

This

is because of the hard work that has

bought

Correct your spelling

brought

show examples

him up in his field.

Furthermore

, it is a case of demand and supply. For, instance , there is a song sung by any singer and it becomes a blockbuster. We intend to buy his albums and

moreover

, if there is any concert in our city for the same individual we buy tickets for that concert just to see them

live to

Verb problem

apply

show examples

live.

Celebrities

play a vital role in everyone's life as they perform for us, they inspire us and their role

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

us to relax and remove stress. In conclusion, from my point of

view

Add a comma

view,

show examples

celebrities

are not been overpaid. They are paid for the efforts and the hard work they do throughout the year. Personally, I think it’s a euphoria to pay for what brings a smile to your face

while

the

celebrities

are satisfied because they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

dedicate their talents.

However

, more jobs in society just as doctors or teachers need to be paid higher because of

their

Change the word

the

show examples

hard process

to become

Change preposition

of becoming

show examples

successful.

Submitted by vishak2511 on Tue Feb 15 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The essay presents a clear argument but lacks in-depth analysis of the topic. There are relevant points made, but they need to be developed further to fully address the task.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat evident, but there is a need for stronger connectivity between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more substantial and clearly linked to the main body of the essay. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement to guide the reader through the argument.

lexical resource

The lexical resource is adequate, with a good range of vocabulary used to express ideas. However, there is a lack of precision in the use of vocabulary, and some phrases are repetitive, affecting the overall lexical resource.

grammatical range

The grammatical range is fairly good, with a mix of simple and complex sentence structures used throughout the essay. However, there are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice, which impact the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

360 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary global landscape, the question of whether governments should allocate resources primarily to address the needs of their own citizens or extend assistance to people worldwide is a subject of ongoing debate. Proponents of prioritizing domestic concerns argue that governments bear a fundamental responsibility to safeguard the well-being of their citizens, as these individuals contribute to the state's economic and social fabric. From a practical standpoint, the limited resources of any government necessitate a focus on local issues to ensure the effective provision of essential services, such as healthcare, education, and infrastructure. Moreover, addressing internal challenges is seen as a means of fostering stability and prosperity, which can, in turn, contribute to global stability. Nevertheless, critics argue that in an interconnected world, global challenges, such as poverty, climate change, and pandemics, require cooperative efforts that extend beyond national...
<4
band
Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many people think that the responsibility for the combat climate is higher for developed countries than for developing countries, while others think that both type of countries have equal responsibility. I believe that developed and developing countries should make same actions to protect the environment.
5.5
band
Young people learn more about good behavior from books or films/movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Youngsters could acknowledge themselves about manners and the ways to interact with others by watching movies or reading literature, rather than with their daily interactions. I entirely disagree with the statement and the same will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
5.5
band
Some people believe that only employees who have worked at a company for a long time deserve to be promoted to a higher position. What is your opinion about this?
When working at a company the main goal is to not stay at the same position, there is need for growth and also getting a higher salary. It is debatable that to be promoted at a company one needs to be working for them for a long time. I disagree with this, because I feel that you just need the right knowledge .This essay is going to bring out my opinion on the matter.
7
band
it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
The concept of right and wrong is a basic value that needs to be taught since the earliest stage of children's education. We often see some people giving such punishment to the child who does not obey the rule to show him/her that they are doing wrong. In my opinion, I agree with this act but, the types of sanction should be appropriate and does not create a traumatic effect for them.

Do you Agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money ? Give reasons for your answer.

Fully explain your ideas

It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Young people learn more about good behavior from books or films/movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that only employees who have worked at a company for a long time deserve to be promoted to a higher position. What is your opinion about this?